Why I (attempt to) Run

A friend posted something on facebook this week calling out a pop-celebrity for her lack of positive influence in the lives of young girls.  When I agreed, he encouraged me to dedicate much blog space to calling her out too.

But, as I stated before, I don’t write to argue or call down others, and I only tell my own stories.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t point out something different, but the same.  Which brings me to the story I’ve promised myself I would write for almost 2 months now but couldn’t bring myself to type.  About the Loops for Troops Run in Calgary on Father’s Day.

And the story starts at a weird beginning, in 2007 when I was 5 months pregnant and Dh was heading out on deployment again.

Knowing that Dh has a strong faith, as he was preparing to leave on his last tour his OC asked him if he would take on a very different job than that normally required of an armoured crewman.  They would be spending this tour living away from the main base outside the wire and because of this, there would be no padre serving alongside them.
His OC wanted to know if Dh would be willing to stand in and lead a memorial service if, heaven forbid, one became necessary during the tour.

Dh agreed.  This was his 3rd time to Afghanistan and he wasn’t going to pretend the reality wasn’t there.  He spent some time talking with our Pastor before he left and tried to prepare as best he could while praying it would not be needed.  But less than a month into the deployment, it was.  Cpl. Nathan Hornburg, of the Kings Own Calgary Regiment, who was serving at the time as a member of Dh’s unit, was killed in action.  It became the first of several times that tour he would have to do what he had prepared to do.

And as he said he would, my 26 year old Dh, a Corporal at the time, stood before his Squadron and spoke and prayed and helped them say goodbye to their lost comrade, as best they could out there in the sand.  At that very moment, it became clear to both of us why God had called him to leave his family for a 3rd time to serve in that desert.  It was for such a time as that.

In the days after he returned many months later we had the opportunity to meet Cpl. Hornburgs mom, a beautiful woman named Linda.  It the kind of emotional thing I am not good at.  I suck at grief.  I am terrible at funerals.  I usually end up nervous and uncomfortable and say or do something stupid.  But Linda was gracious and just so much wanted to be as close to her lost sons last days as she could.  She was inspiring to talk to.  Even now, Linda uses the memory of her son, not to dwell in self-pity, but to rally her town to build a Skate Park in his name and support a charity that helps women in Afghanistan.

Part of a poem Linda wrote about her son for Remembrance Day includes this:

In the months that followed  Dh’s return I made a more personal choice that you would think would be unrelated.  I decided to get off my ass and do something about, well, the size of it.  My youngest child was a few months old and it had become painfully clear that 3 pregnancies, little time to myself and a LOT of comfort food had taken it’s toll.  I wasn’t even able to jog to the end of my street without falling over from exhaustion.  I needed to make a change.  What I lacked was motivation.

Then, it came.  From an invitation to a run being started in Calgary in memory of Cpl. Hornburg by his father, Michael.  It was sentimental, it was close to home, it was exactly what I needed to get myself off the couch. And I won’t lie – some of the motivation was me not wanting to look like a loser in front of the rest of my dh’s Squadron who was showing up for the run that first year.  But whatever works.

I enrolled myself in a Bootcamp being put on by Johnny b Fitt in my town.  I thought I might die twice a week.  I wanted to give up. I managed to keep it up knowing the goal ahead.

When the day came, I was so nervous before the race I thought I might throw up.  I hadn’t magically transformed physically in a couple months, I still carried extra weight.  I was still slow.  I was terrified.  In fact, even many races and changes later, I still get that way.  Every year I want to turn to my dh and tell him I am just going to walk, I can’t do it, I’m giving up.  I’ve done other races since then, that one is still the hardest.

Then I picture two of them men I’ve seen Dh talk to at the runs.  Two athletic, strong soldiers, all geared up and ready with everything they might need except….legs.

Both are double amputees who have lost their legs in Afghanistan.

And there is me, two perfectly capable legs, trying to whine my way out of finishing what I set out to do.  I mean really, I could complain about some asthma and shin splints and….wait….those guys HAVE NO LEGS.  They have excuses and they aren’t using them.  I have no excuses.

So I run.  And that first year I tried not to let it get to me when Linda passed me in the first 5 minutes.  Because 3 runs later,  even though within the first year after her son’s death, she was diagnosed with cancer and underwent chemo, she still beats me every time.  And not by a little, either.

Now, it’s taken 3 more years, but today I can run 5k, well, not terribly.  I’m never going to win a race, but I guess I’m a runner, in fact next year is my first half marathon.  I may not be perfect looking but I have lost almost 40lbs since that first run, most within this past year.  I feel healthy and most importantly, I can play with my kids and chase them down the street without the risk of them having to carry me home.  Which is a bonus with my 3rd who has made me chase him everywhere since the moment he could walk.

I was inspired to make a change by many people, some of whom have never met me.

What, you ask, does this have to do with the first paragraph of my blog?  Well, it’s about heroes.  I can think of several in my little story.

Heroes are those who sacrificed everything in Service to our country.

Heroes are Memorial Cross moms who chose to use their loss to try and make a difference.

Heroes are soldiers who continue to put one foot in front of the other even when they don’t have a foot of their own. (You can read more about MCpl. Jody Mitic and Cpl. Mark Fuchko here and here.)

Heroes inspire you not because they are famous, because anyone can do that.  Not because they have a specific talent, or because they can sing or act or because they were born rich.

Heroes inspire you because they are just people who chose to make something incredible of their lives and sometimes, of their losses.

Sometimes, they inspire you to do something that seems totally insignificant, like stop making excuses about your health and get your sorry ass off the couch to do something about it.  I may just be an overweight army wife and mom who needed motivation to put in even the slightest effort when it comes to looking after myself.  But finding that motivation, it was a big deal.

And you too can run a race in support of military charities, like the Loops for Troops runs in Calgary and Edmonton.  Or the Army Run in Ottawa.

Or, just say Thank You to a real, everyday hero that has inspired you to do something seemingly insignificant.  Chances are, they will be blown away that they made a difference.

And though my words are nice, in case you wanted REAL encouragement to find YOUR hero and make a change, here’s something Linda wrote on what it means to her when others take part in Loops for Troops:

What life demands of me is to integrate the reality of Nathan’s changed existence, and I think I’m doing a decent job of it, but it’s not a quick neat process. Every day I deal with his absence and at the same time sense his presence. Sometimes inside of me is not a pretty sight. The lead-up to those milestone/millstone days, the birthdays, death days, Remembrance Days, holidays when Nathan would have been with us, usually finds incohate tension building up in me until I acknowledge what it’s about and just feel it. Having navigated that l, then I am usually ready to join with others in celebrating the presence rather than the absence. Of course, what a joy that his life and death are still making a difference.

I knew from the first day after Nathan was killed that others grieved with us and I think that for many the first Loops run was an outlet for that collective concern and grief over the role of our troops. I appreciate that Loops gives the public a very real way to manifest their support for the troops and their families – and through the participation and generosity that is extended, a true heartfelt connection happens.

I cannot overstate that each person who shows up to Loops for the Troops MAKES A REAL IMPACT of healing and support. I know it’s not all about me, but the HUGENESS of what a difference that makes to me personally is significant.
~Linda Loree
Mother of Cpl. Nathan Hornburg

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