Yes, you heard that right. So to start, let’s get it out of the way that while there’s nothing explicit on this page, it’s still geared to 18+. Continue at your own risk.   I get a lot of emails from companies looking to have me promote their products. Some emails are particularly bad “Dear, Mrs. Fiarce, after reading your website I know your readers would love to know more about our criminal pardon service….” Most are pretty standard, a lot are for only for Americans, the majority have never actually read a word on the site…. in the end, because I have never had a monetized site (I don’t make any money if people click on this blog) I have never done sponsored or paid ads so I never click on those emails. Then this fall, I got an email from a company called “Clone A Willy“. They got my attention. And the more I read their pitch, the more I laughed, and justified that this would be a hilarious part of a pre-deployment tool box, so to speak, so I emailed them back and actually took them up on their offer to receive a complimentary box of products. You guys. They were crazy fun to deal with, they had my items to me really quickly even with a mistake on my end that meant they had to ship twice, and I ended up the proud owner of a Clone a Willy kit, a Clone a Pussy kit, and a bunch of hilarious swag. I’ll be giving that away over on the She is Fierce FB community group. Now when these arrived, my family was knee deep in pre-deployment mode. Dh…

When you’re writing about war on the internet, remember real people fight it. Remember that there are military families who have said goodbye this week. Remember there are families who are already missing someone who is in the country you’re talking about, and they are living in a world where not hearing anything is actually the best they could ask for. Remember there are families who have lost their loved ones in war already, and current events worry them no matter how unlikely or how political you think it is. Remember there are families who have civilian loved ones who live in the areas affected, and they are allowed to feel fear. Remember there’s a brand new military spouse who doesn’t know how this goes and it scares them. Remember there’s a veteran military spouse who does, and it scares them, too. Remember we are allowed to feel. And while it’s never helpful to freak out, and inciting panic isn’t the goal, it doesn’t mean people;s hearts aren’t hurting, or that families aren’t affected, or that fear isn’t real. Remember that there are people out there with experiences different than yours. Who cope with worry differently than you do, and you don’t actually always get to know why. Your opinion is yours to have. No one will take that from you. Just remember that the words you write matter. When you’re writing about war on the internet, remember real people fight it…

Monster loves two things. Well, three, but drumming is more a sound than a visual. We have always encouraged them, because finding positive things to focus on is a bonus as we navigate life and autism with him over the years. Christmas and Police. He has been so fortunate in the times he’s asked police for their autograph, many have given him a patch. He has them all on a big ring that he sometimes even carries with him.   This year on the tree we finally agreed to give him for his bedroom, he combined them both and we think the result is a pretty amazing testimony of the many phenomenal officers who have brightened his day over the past several years…

Today, November 17th, is National Prematurity Day. And so, remembering that moment when the Transfer Unit came and whisked her away to another hospital in a huge terrifying looking incubator, I share my little preemie. Right before they put her in the transfer incubator to move her to another hospital more equipped for a tiny preemie who refused to breathe, they took a Polaroid photo of her in my arms. It wasn’t until years later Dh pointed out how scared he was at that moment when he realized they took that photo just in case we never got to see her alive again. He didn’t say a word because he knew I hadn’t realized. And he was right. She was old for a preemie, born a little more than 5 weeks early. Her lungs just weren’t ready and she wasn’t getting enough oxygen, occasionally stopping breathing altogether. It took her just over a week in the NICU and another 2 on medications and IV to catch up with the reality of living outside. In the world of preemies, my stay was short and my baby survived. We had it good, and now that little dramatic newborn is a little, dramatic 14 year old. Premature birth is the leading cause of infant death. Find more: World Prematurity Day…

With Dh away, we went and stood at the graveside of his fallen friend, just the kids and I at the small service. I always feel a little out of place these years on my own. It was so cold. Monster went up with one of Dh’s friends to lay his poppy. The one who had escorted that soldier home. Monster was nervous, I could tell. When it was done he asked him “did I do it right?” And our friend, he said “there was no wrong way, buddy.” I hope that wherever today found you, you were able to find your time to remember, too. And if you were nervous it wasn’t enough, as I always am, I’m glad I heard this. There was no wrong way…

A while back we were at a good friend’s house for his retirement party from the Canadian Forces. They had this old rescue dog Hector. Hector was going to be a police dog, but he was too social. So he was adopted at 9 by this family who loved him dearly for many years. I watched at this party while this soldier and the men he served with stood around talking. They can sound pretty harsh at times, I rarely notice anymore, but sometimes they are a little rough around the edges, these combat vets, and the fact that most were either retired or serving leadership positions now made it even more so. They are jaded. Tired. They can be a little … We will say cranky. Hector, well up in his years, he was laying on the floor in the middle of their little half circle. Until someone noticed he didn’t quite make it to standing and had wet himself before flopping back down. I guess I maybe expected annoyance or frustration from the guys, but I saw the opposite. Compassion. Understanding. A lot of “oh buddy, my knees hurt too…” While they carefully cleaned him up and moved him somewhere more comfortable, patting his head and scratching his ears and reassuring him they got him. Every one of them. And then I listened amazed as their conversation then moved inwards. As they cared for the dog they asked about each other, and they did what they rarely do even amongst themselves: they opened up. Because really, they were just telling the dog how they were doing. Their brothers just happened to be standing around. My heart ached because Hector, even a little broken and a lot old, he was still doing…

Over the years, many people have written me about why I don’t use this time leading up to Remembrance Day to post more in appreciation of living military members and veterans. It’s not that it would be wrong, it’s more that in our home it’s not the narrative for the day. In the end the reason is always back the moments like these. One year, our church had a Remembrance Service. Dh was going to do what he usually does: skip wearing his uniform and try to blend in. Mostly because despite knowing people have the best of intentions, when Remembrance Day is focused on living military instead of the fallen, it makes him uncomfortable and he’d rather fade into the background. But at the last minute the leadership asked him to be part of the flag party and so today found him pulling on his DEUs to the perfection he expects of himself and standing in front instead. And I saw on his face the whole morning as he tried to reconcile people’s expressions of gratitude for his service with the grief and guilt the day brings. In my head as this week comes I see the photo of Dh carrying his friend onto the plane and know those moments in time are frozen. He will carry those friends forever. They all will. Survivor’s guilt is a part of this life we rarely talk about but it drives more days than anyone knows. It changes Remembrance Day. In fact, it makes the entire month just a little painful. He’s on edge, emotions are raw. His pain and that of those like him, it is out there in the world during the lead up…

Sometimes I have things to say. Okay, most of the time I do. Rarely is it useful. Most of the time, though, you all say it better than I do. This week we asked for the best advice you could give a new military spouse in two sentences. Boy, did you ever come through, with more than 200 comments! I decided then, so it wouldn’t get lost in the realms of facebook, that I’d put some of your amazing advice to good use. Whether you are brand new spouse or you’re just looking for something to make a crappy day easier, here’s the best your military family had to offer. Disclaimer: some of these are gender specific. That’s because some of the people who wrote them did so of their own experience. All of it is relevant no matter the gender of the member or the spouse. It’s funny how almost all the advice had the same basic idea. It’s almost like we’ve all learned something…. Be present Plant your garden every spring, on the chance you get to see it through! ~Debbie Bloom where you are planted! ~ Jessica Sink in roots even if you don’t know how long you’ll be somewhere; you need a good community. ~ Jenn Live your life right now with a slight eye on the future. Thinking too much about the next posting, or course, or deployment only creates missed opportunities to grow where you are. ~ Jennifer Build a foundation of support upon arrival to your destination. ~ Lisa Your get what you give from your community, so participate. ~ Kristin Show up. Show up to the mess, mess dinners, functions, goodbyes, airport coming home. ~ Colleen Make…

        So you’re facing a military posting this year. And let’s face it, this might be your first or your 10th and there’s a lot of fear around relocation in general, but this year, it’s even worse. BGRS has changed and panic has ensued. Panic. Will it be as bad as we think? I hope not. I can’t fix Brookfield, though. I can’t fix anything, I’m just along for the ride same as the rest of you (except, you know, we aren’t posted this year so bless your hearts). No matter how many panicked comments and private messages I receive, so far I have not been granted any special powers by DND. If I had, I would be sure to tell you. Preferably from a megaphone while on my helicopter. However I am reminded of a friend who supported me once during a deployment. I was pregnant and miserable. She kept asking how she could help and I kept telling her that I just wanted my husband home. Finally, frustrated, she said “I can’t DO that, so tell me what I CAN do.” So here it is friends. There’s a good chance there will be more than a few issues with the new relocation system. I’m sorry. We can’t necessarily fix that right now. We can talk about it, encourage each other on it, be sure to get out as much info as we can to make it as pain free as is humanly possible, make sure evaluations get to the right people, inform the chain of command and the powers that be of all our issues as they happen to…