The Surprise 3rd Edition

There is a lot of Blogging Pressure lately!  Okay, maybe only pressure from one of the 5 people who actually read my Blog, but it catches up, you know!

So as I wait to pick my dh up from the airport this evening, it makes me think, three years ago this day I was picking him up at the same airport. Crazy how things work out, 3 years ago today I was as excited as I could possibly be, packing up our 2 children and waddling my pregnant self out the door to meet my dh for his mid-tour leave.

And therin lies the Story of Monster.  The Surprise 3rd Edition to our family.

In 2007 my dh was in predeployment training for his 3rd tour in Afghanistan, this as a Loader for a Leopard Tank.  We knew, going into the new year, that he was leaving.  We also knew there were several months of training he would have to complete in the spring before his summer departure.  We were as prepared as we could be, after all, this was the 3rd time around.  Freckles was turning 5 and Drama was turning 2 that year.  Not the end of the world, just another tour, nothing we hadn’t done before and couldn’t do again.

Thing is, I had looked at each tour a little differently.  The first, I thought “okay, I’m pregnant, but I only have to look after me.  Nothing else to do.  No one else to care for.  I can do this.”  Second tour I thought “I have a child, but I’m not pregnant.  Just one child, I can do this.”  Third tour I thought “I have 2 kids.  Okay, just one more than last time.  I can do this.”

And maybe that was the lesson I was being taught.  Far too many “I can do this” statements instead of “I can’t do this, God can”.  And that’s where Monster comes in.

2 children was our Perfect Number.  We have a smallish home with 3 very small bedrooms.  We already had the Perfect Family.  One boy, one girl.  They each had their own room.  We were Content.  We wanted to make this a more permanent contentment, but with predeployment schedules and military logic, they would not get my dh in for the Permanent Solution.  So after months of waiting, I made the appointment for myself.  I went to a consult and was supposed to call back when I got my period so they could book the appointment.  While we waited, we were very, VERY careful. 

In between predeployment exercises my dh had one long weekend at home.  One.  Being the good wife I am, I arranged for friends to take our 2 children one of those nights so I could surprise him with a date and a hotel.  I’m such a good wife.

Several weeks later he is coming home for one night from exercise just to drive someone in to the base and back in the morning.  And I Already Know.  But I won’t let myself take that test until he is home.  So that night is my chance.  And he is downstairs with the other 2 watching a movie when I ask very insistently that he come up.  And I throw the test in his face and sit on the couch sobbing.

He consoles me though he is just as unhappy.  He convinces me this is doable.  And he leaves in the morning.  There will be another month before he is back again and I wait, telling only a few close friends and my mommy.  I am devastated.  I did not want another child.  I hate pregnancy. This was Not Part Of The Plan.

I call the Obstetrician.  I give them my name and looking at my file she says “Oh, you must be ready to book your tubal ligation.”  And I say, “no, actually, I need to book a prenatal.”  And there is a few moments of silence.  Then “you would be surprised how often this happens”.  Great.  Now I’m a statistic of people who didn’t get what they wanted.

Once my dh is home and sufficient time has passed that we are comfortable telling others, I hear a lot of “Oh, you will be happy when the baby is born” and “you are young, it’ll be great” and “God has a Plan” and at the time, I would like to tell God where He can put His Plan.

Sometimes loving God is telling Him when you are very, very angry with Him.  It’s not like He doesn’t already know you’re mad.

My first Dr.’s appointment was at almost 12 weeks.  I get in, feeling more than a little annoyed.  I re-acquaint myself with all the things that make me angry about pregnancy starting with the ridiculous wait to see the Obstetrician every single time.  I make into his office and lying on the table he pulls out the Doppler and I wait to hear the familiar whooshing heartbeats.

But there is nothing.

Nothing at all.  And he makes a few comments about how I must not be as pregnant at I think until I explain the concept of the One Weekend Home.  He frowns.  And makes me an emergency appointment for an ultrasound.  There are, he says, other reasons for not hearing a heartbeat.  But the most likely is that the pregnancy ended some weeks before and I simply had not miscarried yet.


What do you say, do, or think when the pregnancy you didn’t want may be over before it started?  I didn’t know either.  So I kept it to myself and my appointment is for the next day.  My dh pulls some strings and manages a couple hours off to come with me.

I get into the ultrasound room, I lay down and she starts to take a look.  And she says

“There’s only one!”

And I am puzzled.  I say “Is that one okay?”  And she says “Sure!  Baby is just fine. ”  Then she looks at my chart.  Apparently we realize that my chart had the wrong box checked off and she thought I was looking for multiples.  When she realizes the mistake she explains to me that I have placenta previa, meaning my placenta is in the front instead of the back, blocking the Doppler from hearing the baby’s movements or heartbeat.  But babe is in there doing just fine.  And then she lets my dh come in. She even gives us a couple pictures when we explain this will most likely be the only ultrasound my dh will see.  And we get the Estimated Due Date:  Christmas Day 2007.

My next Doctors appointment he explains that after having my first 3 weeks early and my 2nd almost 5 weeks early, they were expecting this baby to come anytime after 34 weeks.  He says as usual nothing is for sure and things change, but that I should expect an early delivery and an NICU stay with this baby.  I smile when I tell him that this will not be the case as my dh will not be home at that point, knowing I have told him the same thing for the first 2 and he must be getting used to me being right!  He agrees that he will file the paperwork for a Social Induction when (what I say) if (what he says) baby has not come when dad gets there.

Flash forward a few months and I am standing at the LTF saying goodbye to my dh.  5 months pregnant with what has been confirmed to be my 2nd baby boy.  My dh has been graciously given the leave dates that corresponded with my due date.  He will be home in 3 1/2 months, 11 days before my due date.

My awesome friends take care of me.  I hire a friend to clean bathrooms and floors while he is away so I am not lugging the vacuum up the 4 level split all the time.  I prepare myself to take it easy. I know what to do.   I can do this.


No, I can’t.  My next doctors appointment after my dh leaves and I have lost 3 pounds.  It is not good for your self esteem when a doctor is not concerned that you lose weight almost 6 months into your pregnancy. *sigh*  I actually only gained about 10 pounds the whole time. 

And at 32 weeks a stomach bug goes through my house.  First my daughter, then my son go down.  I am calling him in sick for school when I throw up all over my bed.  For the first day I just barely get by.  Puke crusty laundry is piling up.  Finally by the next morning I can’t get up, can’t get dressed, can’t look after my kids.  I call my friend from the floor of my bathroom.  I admit I don’t know where in the house my kids are and I haven’t even fed them yet that day.  I admit I can’t get up.  And I finally admit to her and myself that I had been having labour pains for most of the night and they were getting worse.  She is there in 10 minutes.

My sister in law gets the kids.  I end up at the hospital in early labour, severely dehydrated.  I am at a rural hospital with no NICU and they tell me and my friend that they will call the transfer unit if things get worse.  I keep babbling about how I can’t have the baby yet because my dh is not home.  My church begins to pray for my over the prayer chain.  My friend finally leaves for the night when I insist I will call if things change.  Eventually, all the fluids they are pumping in my finally stop the contractions and the drugs stop the vomiting.   In the morning I am discharged and the nurse who comes in to run the last few checks says to me as I walk out “You’re a little dehydrated. Get lots of fluid.”  I laugh at her.  18 hours of IV fluids and I am still dehydrated.

When I get home it’s my daughters 2nd birthday.  They are still at my sister in laws and I sleep most of the day at home.  I finally go visit her for her birthday dinner and feel like a terrible parent.  She thinks the vacation with her auntie is the best gift ever.  I can barely hold her I am so shaky.

My sister in law keeps the kids and sends me home.  When I drive up there is no spot in front of my house.  I see my lights on.  When I walk in, there are half a dozen ladies in my house.  They are washing floors, cleaning my fridge and washing piles of puky laundry.  Even typing this makes me teary.  I finally that night get the point of this whole pregnancy.  I can’t do it.  God will do it for me.  I will never forget what my friends gave me that pregnancy.  They were a gift without whom I would not have made it through the same.

I recover and 6 weeks later, baby Monster still hasn’t made his arrival.  My last appointment before my dh arrives my OB shakes his head at me and calls me a very stubborn woman.  He tentatively books my induction for the day after my dh flies in.

Which brings me to 3 years ago today.  I picked my dh up at the airport and held on tight.  And by the grace of God I did get in to be induced the next day.  The epidural lady has to look at the machine to believe I am having contractions when she is leaving.  She says I am far to calm to be in that much pain.  I tell her the last few months have been so much worse.  I am an Army Wife.  My dh is home.  I will make it.

My OB breaks my water and goes home to change.  He doesn’t make it back in time.  A ruptured placenta, a few wonderful nurses and out into the world comes Monster.  He stayed in the womb longer than any of my other children.  He is the only one who didn’t need oxygen after birth.  He is perfectly healthy.  And after being stitched from one end to the other, so am I.  And of course, we love him instantly.  Sure, he was unexpected.  He was not part of my plan.  But he was part of a much bigger Plan.  How could we not see that once he was here?

We take him home the next morning and take him to his older brother’s Christmas Concert.  I laugh as people ask how old he is and the answer is in hours.

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