The murderers behind the shower curtain and other ways I’m crazy
There are lots of weird things about me I am OK with people knowing about me.
Especially you out there on the interweb, because I can’t see you open mouth stare at the screen while you mouth the words “what. the. crap.” and shake you head when you read about me. Because eventually you close your mouth and write me nice comments. And I like your nice comments.
So it doesn’t bother me to tell you a few things.
I only wash my hair a few times a week. It’s naturally curly and it’s easier for me to wash it and straighten it and leave it for a few days than wash it every day and have to style it.
At least half a dozen times a day I put my electric kettle on to boil water for tea and it boils and shuts off and I never make the tea.
I check behind the shower curtain before I go pee every. single. time. Because you know that time I don’t, there will be someone there.
All these things are weird, but they don’t cause anyone to send me an ‘I love me” jacket. Judge me all you want, really, bring it on. Like you never checked for a murderer hiding in the shower.
Because when it comes down to it, I still come across pretty normal. I live in a regular house in a happy marriage with my 3 kids who I send to school almost always on the right days and usually wearing appropriate clothing for the weather.
So this morning when I mention that I didn’t get a great sleep last night, you might assume my kids kept me up. Or I wasn’t comfortable. Or I was just too busy doing regular mom stuff to unwind and get to sleep.
You probably wouldn’t assume that I spent most of the night in a complete panic. That my heart was in my throat and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. That I considered waking my kids to move them somewhere safe. That I checked the news more than a dozen times and paced my kitchen thinking about what we had on hand in case of an emergency…
And if you did know that’s what happened, you would probably assume there was some kind of actual disaster that happened around my home last night.
But in fact, there was not.
It was…..
windy.
And. Well.
I am scared of the wind.
Eventually I conceded and took some medication and collapsed in bed only to then feel tremendously guilty when I was so groggy in the morning I had a hard time getting the kids out the door.
But I did get them off to school. And after laying back in bed for an hour, I got on with my day.
And because of that, you would never have known.
I have a panic disorder.
And that means that my brain will occasionally throw me into a spiral for no reason and my fight or flight kicks in and I can be completely immobilized with fear. I can’t just calm down. I can’t just breathe. I can’t just stop. It will consume me until it decides to let me go. Sometimes, I can hold on until it’s over. Sometimes I chose to take a perscription so I can rest. Sometimes even that doesn’t help.
Chances are very good even if you know me, you did not know this.
It’s not exactly dinner-table conversation.
And while you may now be open mouth staring at the screen and thinking something about bats and craziness, I understand.
Grown up women are not supposed to be scared of the wind.
Grown up mom’s are supposed to calm their kid’s irrational fears, not have more of their own.
Grown up Christians are not supposed to panic when they can give their fear to God.
me, that voice tells me that even when I am too breathless to put
together a prayer, He loves me. Even when I am too flustered to get a
sentence of scripture, He loves me. Even though my body is panicking
when it should be resting in His peace, He loves me.
So here I am, Loved, and typing this and then pressing that pretty little ‘save to drafts’ button because I don’t know how much Grown Up Women are supposed to admit.
But I am pretty sure I will publish this one this time. (As soon as I am done typing so I don’t lose my nerve).
Because I believe with all my heart that Grown Up’s can should admit that they are not perfect.
And I’m ok with admitting that I’m the one who likes to look all grown up and mature but who actually is a little crazy.
Literally. There’s a paper somewhere that says it.
So…… can you admit you don’t wash YOUR hair every single day?
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reccewife
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21 COMMENTS
Leave A Comment
spinner137 | 6th Dec 11
You are inspiring. I have blogged about my personal demons and have yet to his that 'publish' button. I'm not sure that I will ever. But it's there and when I'm finally ready to share it with the world, it's a button click away.
Thanks for sharing yourself. I have a little more courage. š
DapperDan's N SwankySue's | 6th Dec 11
I agree Kim, we can and do admit, we are not perfect and have fears! I figure it has to start somewhere or no one will continue to deal with it openly. Then as they grow with you they take into account those things and in turn respect that you were honest enough to bring it up…then others can also admit to their own! I dont deal well with yelling, knives, and talking to ppl on the phone. Some others too, but most I have delt with to some degree or other…Oh and I hate to forget things! hehe My issues/fears or what have you are not bigger or smaller than yours, they are just different, and I am me and you are you! There are ppl who play up the " I have bigger issues than you do" game, but like you said God loves us through it all, no matter what it is or why we are going through it. Trying not to over think what I say or type, or worry about how others will judge me…just to think the it doesnt matter really, God loves me just as I am.
Being a "grown up" just means we know what we should do, and try to do it…being a kid is not having a care in the world ( or thats how it should be) and really we are to come to God like little children! Not to care what the world thinks of us, but to sit with Him, and live in his love. Hugs GF! Keep pushing "publish"!!
Cate Culpepper | 6th Dec 11
Beautifully written. It is always important to know He is in control and will help us in our time of need.
Although I am not a "Grown Up Woman" at the young college age of 21, I will admit that I don't wash my hair every day, I check behind the shower curtain all the time, and I slept with a night-light until I was a senior in high school. But I know no matter what my strange quirks may be, my Creator loves me, because He created me this way.
Marion Destounis | 6th Dec 11
My hair is lucky to be washed twice a week and after watching Psycho many many many years ago, I can't shower if no one else is at home to protect me. I don't think we're crazy…just a little quirky!
RecceWife | 6th Dec 11
I'm glad. And I think maybe we're all a little nuts, it seems more manageable when it's out there š
RecceWife | 6th Dec 11
Thanks girl š
RecceWife | 6th Dec 11
Very true my friend. We are all loved!
RecceWife | 6th Dec 11
I never thought of needing someone home to protect me. Maybe that's why I take baths instead!
Andrea Ward | 6th Dec 11
I don't wash my hair everyday. I honestly wash it only about twice a week. Some weeks I'm lucky and get to wash it 3 times.
I don't check behind the shower curtain, but I have wanted to do that.
My irrational fear is of mice. Once I heard one in the walls of a rental house. I made my husband take me to a hotel for 2 nights until Orkin could come get rid of it.
Stephanie | 6th Dec 11
I haven't used shampoo in over four years. I'm also afraid of getting abducted by aliens (no, really). So…yeah…being afraid of wind doesn't seem to strange to me. I can only imagine how scary it is to have a panic attack. While I have an overactive imagination, luckily my body is calmer than my brain. You're a beautiful writer, my friend. Being imperfect only makes you realer to me!
Leah Brochu | 7th Dec 11
My toilet is not in the same room as my shower – Safe forever!
Naekiwiromero | 7th Dec 11
I always heat the tea pot to make tea, and end up never making it. And I always ALWAYS check behind shower curtains. Too many scary movies. I love your post š
RecceWife | 7th Dec 11
Oooh, I am glad I'm not the only one with constantly heating and cooling water! š
RecceWife | 7th Dec 11
Ha! Leah for the win!
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freaky_gothwoman | 8th Dec 11
I wash my hair twice a week, freeze whenever I hear a wasp (don't even have to see the stupid thing) and have a fear of falling down stairs… So no, I don't think you are the only one :).
Kathryn | 9th Dec 11
This post you wrote described me exactly! I too, have a panic disorder and have had panic attacks in the past brought on by stress, worry, & fear. I am actually in counseling now and it has helped a lot! It's true people think Christians aren't supposed to have these problems but they do and people need to be made more aware of it so they can help others. And about the shower thing- I do the opposite when I am showering I always have to look out just to make sure no one is hovering nearby with a knife or something lol.
Renee Garcia | 10th Dec 11
I don't wash my hair every day… too lazy, too busy… or something. I lay in bed every night and hear noises. At least once a week I make my husband get up and go check downstairs because I'm SURE someone is down there… and they're going to kill us. When my husband is deployed, I sleep on the couch for the first 2-3 months… and I always always have to be able to see out my door. Yep. Totally rational. I'm right there with you, sister!
Alana Winder | 13th Dec 11
Oh wow–what a great post. Thank you for sharing this with us. I felt like I was reading about myself at times, except I don't have kids. My main panic zone is the car, whether I'm driving or a passenger. I've been struggling with it ever since I flipped my car last year. One day just days after that I was driving in the rain and started to panic about crashing when "Safe" by Phil Wickham came on the radio. It was an amazing moment.
Also, I'm ashamed to tell you how often (or un-often) I wash my hair. I'll say I average once or mayyybe twice a week. In my defense, my hair is super thick and wavy and long. Which means it's a pain to wash and most of the time you can't tell anyway. Thank goodness.
The New "Normal" | 2nd Jan 12
What a wonderfully, honest post. I love that you wrote this! I can be so hard to admit not being perfect, but then again, who is? We certainly don't love you any less after reading this! You're still pretty darn cool š
And yeah, I don't wash my hair every day either…it's just too long and I'm just too lazy. This morning I started the hot water to make hot chocolate and realized half way to work that I never made it. Bummer š Oh, and I'm terribly afraid of even the possibility of a tornado. If the news mentions having a tornado watch somewhere in our state I begin to panic. We all have our quirks – it's what makes us fun!
Krissy | 17th Apr 13
I know this is an older post, but I just found your blog a couple of days ago, and now I'm reading it backwards. (I get a little obsessive).
I am a Canadian Military wife myself, 2 kids and no way do I wash my hair on a daily basis. In fact, I'm wearing a ball cap today because it's been too many days and my hair is gross…here's to washing it tonight!
I myself have had panic attacks, and suffer from Social Anxiety. I have irrational fears of ALL bugs… even butterflies, ladybugs, etc. I also am sometimes very stupid and watch horror movies or read horror books while my husband is away, and then have to sleep with the bedroom light on. While he was on deployment a couple years back I think I had to sleep with the light on for about a week before I could even think about turning it off again.
Anyway, I just wanted to come out from behind the screen and say, "Hi! I think you are just my type of crazy!" (Without being [too] creepy). š