your kid just has a stuffed teddy bear? sad….

Today, Monster turns 4.

As in, my baby is 4.

I don’t have a baby anymore.  There are no more cribs or diapers in my house.

I am so okay with that.

Yesterday, we had an Angry Bird’s party for 9 toddlers and I watched as my baby played and talked and opened cards.
Instead of gifts, he raised almost $150 for the Soldier On Fund.

You have not been reading long if you think I made these. Check out https://www.facebook.com/groups/108334602588902/

Today on his actual day of birth, I rostered in his class.

Let me just get something out there.

I hate rostering.

Seriously, I may be a terrible parent for admitting it, but I don’t like a room full of preschoolers.  I don’t like craft time or centers.  I don’t look forward to the ‘opportunity to be involved in my child learning experience at school’.  I just…. don’t.

But it was his birthday today and I smiled through the singing, the gym time and the cutting out of 25 cardboard stockings.

During circle time, I noticed that all the kids have their pictures taped to the carpet where they sit during class.  Almost all of them.  Along with a couple other kids, Monster’s picture is taped to one of the chairs beside the carpet and that’s where he sits.

I had noticed this before, but I took my opportunity there to ask the teacher how come he sits in the chair instead of on the carpet.  And the perpetually happy teacher (aren’t all preschool teachers simply the happiest people? I thank God people like them were created to teach in classes that cause people like me to consider curling in the fetal position and rocking) she tells me that the carpet was pretty crowded and, well, Monster does better on the chair.

And I have to tell you, my first thought in my head sounded a lot like this….

“Great.  My kid is in the class for kids who need some extra help, and he’s STILL the one that needs to sit on the chair and not the carpet”.

My first thought was frustration.

But it was his birthday, and as I do on birthday’s I was thinking a lot about how things began.

I was thinking how if it had been up to me and my life plan, Monster wouldn’t exist.

I was thinking how had I been given the opportunity to do things the way I felt most comfortable, I would not have gotten pregnant again.
But then I never would have experienced God’s provision when I was to tired to keep going.

I certainly would not have had him during a deployment.
But then I never would have felt what it was like to feel God carry me when I could no long keep walking.

If things had followed my plan, my unexpected third child would have had the common courtesy to have been a girl so as to share a room with her closer-in-age sister instead of with his 5 years older brother.
But then I never would have seen Freckles grow into one of the most amazing and caring older brothers I have ever met.

If I had ever had my way, Monster would have fit into the mold left by his older siblings.  I would have looked like a stellar, experienced third child parent who knows what to expect and how to deal.
But then, well, I would have simply been very proud and very wrong.

Monster has a purpose he doesn’t know about.

He’s not a trouble maker, unless of course you mean in the sense that he troubles me.

He troubles me to do things I wouldn’t normally do.

He troubles me to have to rely on God to parent him instead of attempting to do it on my own.

He troubles me to abandon my plan and any pride that I would have had in it.

Monster was never part of my plan.  He’s always been part of a much better Plan.  And it seems maybe his job will always be to push me past where my plan might have left me, comfortable but never growing, to where God would like His plan to bring me.

And when the teacher simply says some kids do better on the chair, she’s not telling me he’s a bad kid (even when that’s what I hear.)

She’s simply pointing out what I have really, really needed to realize these last 4 years.

There’s nothing wrong with having a favorite stuffed octopus instead of the average teddy bear.

There’s nothing wrong with dancing to an imaginary congo line by yourself in the kitchen after dinner. (in fact, it’s awesome)

There’s nothing wrong with refusing to use other colours besides green while you are colouring if you really, really like green.

There’s nothing wrong with the chair.

Monster is my baby. 

He’s got the most beautiful blue eyes and the best smile ever.

He’d do anything to make you laugh and he is the only child I have that will randomly come up and say ‘I love you mom‘ for no reason.  It melts my heart.  

Happy birthday, Monster.

I love you more and more with each new thing your life has taught me and each new way you amaze me with how perfectly you were made.

“Daddy’s home early, AND it’s my birthday?  Best day EVER!”

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