Sorry, boys, this isn’t for you.

There’s understandably a lot of talk about New Years Resolutions.

On my social media, they tend to be in two different varieties.

On the one hand are the people who are making resolutions about their health.  They are going to a gym, working out, dieting, eating better, etc.

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On the other hand there are those who already live a pretty healthy life who are annoyed by all the new ‘heathy people’ crowding out their equipment at the gym with their ‘doomed to fail’ resolutions.

As I have mentioned before, I lost some weight this past year.  About 50lbs, to be exact.

So while I was on vacation visiting my parents and in-laws, I got a lot of this:

“wow, you look amazing, what did you do?”

“Holy crap, you’re tiny.  Good for you.  How’d you do it?”

or my personal (un)favorite “Holy!  Where did your boobs go?!”

For the record, I did not work that hard all year for the majority of people to point out first the drastic change in my bust line.

That being said, almost everyone wants to know my ‘secret’.  How did I do it?  What can they do for the same results.

And they are almost always annoyed by my answer,

“I eat less.  And I run and work out.  Mostly, I eat less”.

Then they always ask “Well, what do you eat?”

“Less.  I eat less.  I didn’t cut one thing out or switch to shakes or start a program or take a vitamin.
I eat less of everything I ate before.”

“oh.”

And trust me.  I’ve been there.  I wanted a magic pill or a fancy diet, or someone to tell me I could exercise it all away.  But I couldn’t.  And I can’t.

I run a couple times a week.  It’s amazing once you lose 30, 40 lbs…. running sucks less.
I do core/ab exercises when I can most days.  15 minutes or so.

And I eat less.

I still eat the occasional piece of pie.  Bowl of ice cream.  Birthday cake.

I just eat less.

And slowly…. like a year later slowly…. I lost weight.

No one is making an infomercial on that.

So my New Years Resolution?

Accepting those changes.

I don’t look perfect.  I don’t have the genes that allowed my body to snap back to a flat stomach and a sag-free body.  I look much, much better with clothes on.

And after a long, tear filled conversation with my hubby, I realized he’s the only one who sees that.  And he actually, truly, doesn’t care.  He doesn’t care that nursing my babies meant I lost 4 bra sizes, or that my stomach hangs where excess, stretch marked skin covers the bottom of what would, if life was fair, be a flat stomach.

Because the truth is, he loved me 50lbs ago.  And he loves me now.  And don’t get me wrong, he is infinitely happy I am in better shape and he is having sometimes too much fun picking me up and tossing me around (gently) just cause he can, but the scale and the jean size does not define love.

I worked really frigging hard.  I still do. 

And while that little bit of flab around my middle could look just like that…. flab…. it is starting to look more like what it really is.

It’s the whipped cream I still order on my skinny latte.

It’s the piece of pie I will still eat when friends come over.

It’s that spoonful of peanut butter and hunny I have when I feel stressed out.

And you know what?  I like those things.

And you know what?  I don’t need plastic surgery to put back my chest the way it was and cut out that skin that doctors tell me won’t go away any other way.  The only reason I think I should (and trust me, I sadly think about it all.  the.  time. ) is because I want to live up to an ideal my body wasn’t designed to meet.

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And that is not a good reason to go there.

There were plenty of times I said even a year ago I wasn’t made to be under a certain weight or size, and then I got there.  So sometimes, ‘supposed’ limits are all excuses.  But sometimes, they’re just the way you were made.  And, sadly, bra size, stretch marks and sags…well, those fall into category #2.

So while I will keep running and keep eating healthy because I like the way it makes me feel, and lets be honest, I like the way it makes me look…. I’m not going to make a weight goal for this new years resolution.  If I lose another few pounds, or gain a couple, it’ll be alright.  (not gonna lie, I’d prefer option number 1).

My New Year’s Resolution is to move one step closer each day to accepting that this body is OK. 

This body made it 30 years when my grade 10 counsellor was sure that the way I was treating it then, it wouldn’t make it to 18.

This body can run 10k in an hour when before it could barely run 5k at all.

This body can do a 2 minute plank and over 100 sit ups when before, it couldn’t even do 1.

This body now wakes up in the morning and doesn’t compel me to sleep most of the day away, or take 2 hour naps in the afternoon or avoid doing things with my kids because I am just too tired.

This body birthed 3 children.  It fed those 3 children and, well,. for a few years it was neglected while I watched those children.

It doesn’t owe me a flat stomach or a full chest.

I doesn’t owe me less frizzy hair and it certainly doesn’t owe me a perky anything.

In fact, I am blessed that this body and the One who created it,  allows me to push it  little farther, allows me to run a little faster and lets me live another year.  Because other, healthier people have bodies that simply said no.

I was beautifully and wonderfully made.

Seriously, I was.  It says so.

It’s not a sin to want to push my body to be the healthiest way it can be.  Being too thin is unhealthy, but so was being too big.

It continues to be sin for me to look in the mirror and never, ever be happy with the way I look.  To shrug off the compliments of my husband as words from a man who is supposed to say nice things to me, and spend TOO MUCH focus trying to meet an ideal that is entirely created in my head and no one Else’s.

I will learn to enjoy where my hard work has brought me.
I will learn to thank the One who loved me when He created me to be me.

Road-mapped stomach and all.

If you for even one second thought this might be a picture of my stretch marks…..AHAHAHAHAHAH!		You’re funny

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