No joke, there are FOUR different garbage bins here!

Last night I looked over at DH and said “I have nothing to write on my blog.  Possibly ever again.”

He said “I’m sure you’ll learn something from this”.

I said “Screw you I will not.  There’s nothing to learn.  Just shut up.”


Which is what I do when he says things that are true.

Since the last time I wrote, we moved across the country.  There’s plenty I am sure I will write about the amusing anecdotes of our driving across Canada and the northern US on the way to our new home.

Our fifth night after leaving the house, I was annoyed with Freckles.  He wasn’t eating his meals.

Now, my kids are picky, obnoxious eaters who eat next to nothing.  I am judged everywhere I go (mostly by myself) for their lack of eating.

So as we start on our trip, my one child who has almost started to eat like a normal person, won’t eat.

Then, one night looking at him while visiting on our trip with my parents, I realize something.  He’s trying so hard to act okay, he’s such a happy kid, I didn’t even think.  He’s hidden every other symptom but the truth is, well…

He’s sad.  Sad enough that he hasn’t realized it, but he doesn’t feel like eating because of it.

And two things hit me.

The first is that when you realize that what your child is doing is not defiant or obnoxious or spiteful or lazy but a symptom of his overwhelming sadness…..

It’s like someone takes your heart and squeezes it until it takes your breath away.

The second is that while I am usually a pretty laid back “they aren’t bleeding, if the screaming child needs me they will come to me…” kind of mom, this time I need to step in.

So we had a talk.

And I tell him a universal truth.

Sometimes life sucks.  It’s OK to feel sad for a while. Sometimes we have to leave our friends and our home and move and it’s scary and it hurts our heart. It’s hard to be happy then.

But Joy, it’s different than happy.  Finding joy does not depend on how crappy life is, being joyful is a choice.  Our choice.  To wake up and remember we are children of the most High God and even when our heart is heavy we can find joy in something, every day.  We need to choose to find the joy in our life and not only see the parts that suck.

Regardless of my sad lack of parenting skills,  he’s an awesome, strong, amazing kid who starts to refocus on all the cool parts of this little adventure, and he adapts.

Then we arrived at our new place.

Our stuff got here before us and put in storage and we can’t get it delivered for over a week.

The relocation company has some serious staffing issues in the middle of posting season and we can’t get anyone to give us answers for payment for all that extra time living in a hotel with 3 kids.

Our new place looks like they banged every wall with every piece of furniture on their move out and possibly stopped trying to keep the place clean about 30 seconds after our purchase offer was received. All those hours and hours I spent cleaning and painting and touching up in our old place to sell?  I am doing it all over again so we can move in.

I get lost in this city…. everywhere.

DH’s new job is at a higher security building, so no phones of any kind (not even his issued phone) are permitted inside.  So he has to go back to work while we are still in the hotel and I can’t get a hold of him.  Ever.

…….

And before I manage to sounds even whiner and more annoying that I am already…

Remember how I started this post about DH and ‘learning’?

Wayyy back, several thousand kilometers ago, I told my son something.

My joy is not dependent on furniture that arrives on time or unbroken.

It’s not dependent on the condition of our new home.

It’s certainly not dependent on my apparent inability to follow directions, or clearly even a GPS.

It is my choice to find joy, even when figuring out how to replace rotten bathroom fixtures.

It’s my choice even when I’m grumpy and it’s too humid to think and everyone is at the end of their rope after 2 weeks living in a hotel.

It’s even my choice when trying to figure out a city garbage system that involves FOUR different bins.

We will get settled.

This place, this home, this city will feel less like a frustrating mess and more like home.

I need to choose to see that, to see the adventure of this time as a family discovering a new province, the see the positive of getting to paint and clean and do everything with an extra week before our things get here.

I need to choose to see what I have been given instead of what I see going wrong.

Until then, I may have learned….something… I guess.

Just don’t tell DH.

Besides, when else would I have time to make a boys room this cool?

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