Worth More Than A Windstar

My car has been broken into.

More than once.

It was because I didn’t lock it.  Thieves, broken people doing broken things, they stole things from the inside.  Once they also took the time to make a mess in there, too.

Leaving my car unlocked was not my best decision.  

That didn’t make the theft my fault.  It was MY car.  And MY things.  The truth is, cars get broken into every day.  And some of them are parked in quiet suburban neighbourhoods and locked up tight.
You cannot be completely safe from those who mean to do you or your possessions harm.
And regardless of where I parked my car or whether or not I remembered to lock the doors, the person responsible for the crime remains, 100%, the person who committed it.

Now, clearly, since I used the phrase ‘more than once’,you can tell I didn’t change my door locking ways.
Our van had a habit of not locking all the doors when  using the automatic locks.

The truth was, I didn’t really value my car or it’s contents enough to worry about it that much.

Want to steal my CD case, diaper bag?  Want to try and make off with my bright red 2002 Windstar?  I wouldn’t lose much sleep over it.  

So I continually forgot to check the locks and, thieves continued to take advantage of that to commit a crime.

A crime that was entirely their fault and not mine.

 And, knowing that I was not to blame for the theft no matter my errant and unsafe car parking practices, I did use my experiences to warn other drivers.

Value your car.  Lock your doors.  There are broken people out there.  They will do bad things and they will take advantage of crimes of opportunity.

When I told my friends and neighbours that they should lock their doors, I was not telling them that if they did not, it would be their own fault if they, too, were stolen from.

The truth is, they could lock their doors and park under the street light in full view of their home, and STILL someone might break into their car.

I was just giving them advice to stay as safe as they could to protect the items they value, knowing broken people out their do broken things and sometimes it helps to be safe.

________________

When I was a teen, as we have alluded to on this blog before, I made some poor choices.

One of those choices many times compromised my safety.

Because I would lie to those who cared about me so I could go to places they didn’t want me to go and do things they didn’t want me to do.

Where I could drink and use other substances and more times than I can count, lose hours and hours of time to blackouts and unconsciousness.

More than once, I woke up or sobered up and realized that things had happened to me that I didn’t have the presence of mind to have consented to.  Because I had gotten myself too drunk to know what I was doing.

That didn’t make what happened my fault.  The truth is, women and girls are victimized in quiet suburban neighbourhoods, completely sober in the daylight.  You can never be completely safe from those who mean to do you harm.  And regardless of where I had gone or how much I had drunk, the person responsible for that crime is 100% the person who committed it.

Now, since I use the phrase more than once, you can tell I didn’t change my ways.  I had a habit at the time of drinking myself into oblivion.

The truth was, I didn’t really value myself enough.

I felt trapped in a reputation I hadn’t deserved and gave up.  Want to steal me?  Want to try and make off with a part of me?  I don’t care.  I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.

This is what I told myself and I continued to drink to the point of blackout.  And more than once, someone took advantage of that.

A crime that was entirely their fault and not mine.

And knowing that I was not to blame no matter how errant my preteen drinking practices were, I still want to use my experience to warn others.

Because here’s the hard truth.

Regardless of what I told myself at 15, I have value.
And I cared.
And they could steal a piece of me.
And I would lose sleep.
And it would hurt.
For a long, long time.
Until I found the One who had that piece the whole time.

The truth is, you could choose to leave the party, stay sober and walk home in the daylight and SILL someone might  hurt you.

But that won’t stop me from wanting to reach out and teach other girls to value themselves and be as safe as they can.

There are 2 conversations of importance here (in no order of importance).

The first is of safety.

You CAN teach a girl how to be the safest she can without implying that anything she does could make someone else’s actions her fault.

You teach her to lock the front door, lock her car, to not leave her purse unattended and keep her jewelery in a safe place.

Because those things have value.  And there are broken people who do evil things.

But friends, SHE has value.  It is no more wrong to teach her to drink in moderation and responsibly.  To practice the buddy system.  To open dialogue that she can call an adult she trusts to take her out of any situation, regardless of her condition.

It’s ok to raise her up and teach her to value herself and her body highly enough not to leave it drunk and unconcious.  To worry about why she would choose to treat her body with less concern than she would her purse.  To impart wisdom of safety that says that bad people are out there and it’s good to keep the things you value safe.  Not many teens would leave the cellphone or their cash abandoned and unable to defend itself at a party because they know someone might take it, lets teach them to feel the same way about their very own selves.

There are theives in this broken world and I want to teach my girl that she is worth doing all in her power to protect herself from them.  Mostly because I want her to feel that she is worth protecting.

To treat herself as a valuable that she wants to keep as safe as possible.


The second is of restoration.

Regardless of any of that, she is never at fault for the actions of those who do her harm.

And if you are reading this and you for even one moment believe that what you did made what they did your fault…

I pray, truly and completely that you realize that it was not.  No matter what that voice inside your head that sounds like those girls that called themselves your friends says.
It. Was. Never. Your. Fault.

It doesn’t matter what you wore, what party you went to or how much you drank.


It doesn’t matter if you gave up and you acted like you didn’t care and you woke up on half a couch cushion on a basement floor, instantly throwing up in your mouth because it’s YOUR body and you know that the night before, it was treated like it was THEIRS and you couldn’t stop them because you couldn’t even form a sentence.

This was not your fault and you CAN speak up.
Speak, friend.  Speak because there are those who love you, even if you can’t see.
Speak without fear or shame because it. was. not. your. fault.

And when they say things about you, because broken people are cruel and they talk and they hurt you in order to fill their brokenness, remember:

you are worth more than their words.


You are worth more than a car.


You are worth everything. 

I want to have both conversations.  With you and your daughters and my daughter and myself.

Let’s be safe.
Let’s be valuable.
Let’s rise above the words that blames us for the actions of the broken.

Let’s become a society that values our women and our girls.

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