Ribbons and Remembrance Day

I’ve written a lot of things about Remembrance Day.

So have many other people, and we all have opinions.

Whether it`s to make it a Stat holiday, to stop people from decorating for Christmas or it`s about how or when it`s okay to wear a poppy, there`s a lot of talk about how it should be observed.

And never without controversy.  We all know there`s that ONE STORE every year who says or does something offensive to those selling poppies.  Whether it`s Target or Cabelas or whatever other store of the week, there`s a focus, new battle line drawn every year.

Everyone has a different opinion.  Even among veterans.  I know a WWII vet who likes to decorate for Christmas as soon as possible. Even before Halloween if he could  But I know there are others who feel like it should wait until the 12th.

Then there are those who feel strongly that the 11th should be a holiday so that families can mark the day at ceremonies together, while the flip side is the concern that it will be just that, a ‘holiday’ and people won’t bother teaching their kids by taking them to a ceremony.

My Dh is very insistent that a poppy not be worn after the ceremony on November 11th.  Tradition says that it is left at the cenotaph and to him, it is symbolic of taking that torch and moving forward as opposed to mourning forever.
But I’ve met vets who would wear one all year long.

It’s dangerous to speak for veterans or the military community because it makes the assumption they all are of the same opinion.  And like any community, that is rarely the case.

But of all these conversations that light up on social media, the message is starting to get murky.

The truth is that these arguments seem to detract from what the day is.

Remembrance Day marks the end of WWI.  On the 11th day of the 11th month, the War to End All Wars ended.

Remembrance Day is about history, and learning it so as not to be doomed to repeat it.  It is remembering that war is not Hollywood and the dead were truly gone.  That war is messy, and bloody and awful, in fact the most awful thing that humanity can do to one another.

Remembrance Day is that moment when we realize again that no matter how many movies we watch or stories we read, we really have no idea what war is, and that`s not by chance.

That was a gift bought with blood and death and pain and separation and heartache and loss.

For those Veterans of WWI long gone, it was a gift they gave in the hopes they could save their children of the same, but many watched their children instead fight WWII.

Those WWII veterans that are still with us, they are a precious commodity.  They hold with them that level of sacrifice that we can never completely understand.

And from WWII vets to the modern veterans of our generation`s war, Remembrance Day is a more personal reminder.

When asked what Remembrance Day is for Dh, I have realized that for him and so many like him who have experienced war, it is a funeral.

Their friends died, sometimes in front of their eyes or in their arms on over their radio or in the vehicle in front of them.  Friends they trusted with their lives.  Friends they loved like family.

One of them would then have the treasured honour and overwhelming burden of following that friend’s body home and staying by their side until laying them to rest.

And all the soldier’s other brothers? They never had the “luxury” of leaving their war to say goodbye. They just kept moving forward.

But now, every year for the rest of their life they will attend a service on November 11th that will forever be their comrade`s funeral.  For some, many comrade’s funeral. And they will mourn their lost brothers or sisters.

And they will do so while they stand in their uniform on display.

Last year Dh spoke to a group of children at a school on Remembrance Day.  And he told them about his friends.  About the kinds of guys they were, about their families and the things they did for fun.
And then he told them how they died.

And afterwards he stood, alone in his uniform in a full gymnasium, and he watched with the kids a video memorial of his war. And tears fell on his cheeks and he didn’t move. 

Because despite his embarrassment he wanted them to see him mourn real people who were really loved and who really died.  Because survivor’s guilt is a powerful thing, and it’s his only justification for the inexplicable reason he is still here while they are not.

So that he can ensure that when he is gone, others will continue to remember.

I think that’s what Remembrance Day is.

And I hope we don’t lose sight of that while we argue over music, lights and pins.

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