Invitations: A Deployment Project Update

posted on : December 3, 2014 posted by : reccewife 1 Comment

Here in my house, pity parties are not allowed to last the night.

Sure, it’s okay sometimes to sit with your glass of wine and your bag ‘o chocolate and moan because you’re doing it on your own again, or because you’re little family won’t be complete at Christmas, or because not one child will have dad home for their birthday this year…..

but then you pick your bloated, wine filled ass off that couch and you pull yourself together.

Life moves on. And sometimes pulling yourself together just involves enough energy for yoga pants and wiping the grime from the toilet before someone thinks there’s a frat house using your bathroom.

But it’s still progress.

In my house, we move forward because experience has taught me nothing gets better if you’re waiting for the ideal moment to try.

So last month I decided we wouldn’t be sitting on our butt waiting for community to magically appear and make this 4th deployment easier.

We were going to make community.

Inspired by Sarah Smiley and her book, we started our Invitations Deployment Project.

So we set out. A few rules we made:

1. Our Sunday dinner guests might be people we know, but they had to be new to our table. We have great friends. These had to be new friends.

2. Our Sunday meals needed to be drama free. I promised to make something all would eat (which is a feat in a house with 2 picky eaters and an autistic child with Selective Eating Disorder) but in return, all had to agree to put it in their mouths.

3. Our Sunday best went on the table. Whether we had a young family coming or dad’s boss, Sunday dinners are the chance for the completely ridiculous bone china and wine glasses that came as wedding gifts before we even had a kitchen table. Because if this isn’t reason to use them, there are no good reasons to use them.

From there, we sent out invitations. Lots of them.

And you know what? Everyone who responded gave us a yes.

Everyone.

Our first Sunday, we rushed home from Drama’s birthday party and we sat down with our neighbours.

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I made black bean soup and nachos and we sipped our juice from wine glasses.

Our kids live far away from their own grandparents and while through the beauty of skype and visits and phone calls and pictures we are able to connect them with the very special 4 people who are part of their lives from far away, sometimes I realize my kids don’t have that regular time with older people.

Our neighbours talked to them about their lives, their jobs before they retired, about their gardens and their cats. Then my kids sat on their laps and showed them how to play games on their tablets, which they we completely mesmerized by. For kid’s who’s grandparents are all very technologically savvy, they were in awe that these friends had no idea how to work a tablet or phone.

When they arrived, Dave said to the kids ‘It must be hard not to have the man of the house around‘.

And Freckles replied “they have me.”

He sounded so grown up I was both proud and a little heartbroken.

Mostly proud.

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Or next guest was Monster’s choosing. He wanted a Rock Star.

We invited the lead singer of the local hard rock band Basalisk.

Having never met him, when James and his family arrived I had no idea what to expect.

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Monster looked at their little boy with his longer blond curls and said ‘why doesn’t he get a haircut?’

James took off his hat and release curls significantly longer than mine.

Monster said ‘Whooooooa’.
We made our own pizzas and James played guitar with the kids and told them all about what being a real life musician looks like.

Monster may never cut his hair again.

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Our next Sunday was Drama’s turn for an invite, and she had asked to meet a ‘girl scientist’. She has been talking about being an engineer, specifically one that helps the environment. So, being the amazing mom that I am, I managed to find a female Environmental Engineer.

Okay, I already knew of one on twitter and she agreed to come visit…..

shhhh.

When Sheri arrived, she even had notes with answers to potential questions. She was so prepared, how amazing was it to see someone in the community so invested in budding scientists. Sheri sent me links afterwards with even more information on how I could encourage Drama in the sciences, and all three kids spent that week talking about cool science project ideas. I’m only slightly concerned with what seems like a slight obsession with world dominating robots.

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Then it was Freckle’s turn.
Freckle’s wanted an MMA fighter for dinner.

You guys! I know one of those, too! So far, this was easy!

There is a young guy at my gym with a fancy belt from an amateur MMA fight that he won and I asked if he and his fiance would humour us and come over for dinner

Let’s face it, he was just excited someone wanted to feed him after a month of cutting weight and living on chicken and steamed broccoli.

He brought his belt and Freckles got to hear about his fights.

He also brought Ninja Turtles movies.

Not only a fighter and a local radio personality, PJ has a sleeve tattoo of the ninja turtles.

Monster hasn’t stopped talking about Ninja Turtles now for 2 weeks.

After PJ and Samantha left, Drama was very quiet.

“Daddy would have liked that one.” She said.

“I think so too.”

Then Monster sat on my lap very thoughtfully and said “Have you seen him fight?”

“Well, yes. I saw him win that belt. And sometimes at the gym at my classes, he will be my partner and he helps me learn, too”

“He must be really good.”

“He found something he likes doing and he works really hard, so he has gotten really good at it. Working hard at something is how you get really good at it”

At prayers that night, Monster prayed that daddy would be really good at being a soldier so he wouldn’t have to keep working at it.

Drama prayed PJ would win his next fight.

I think it’s possible Samantha might have a little competition.

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Last Sunday, it was back to Monster’s turn and he invited a Police Officer.

Because Police Officers are the. best.

Monster has wanted to be a police officer since he was old enough to know what one is.

He will find them at any event and talk to them. Or just stare at them from a distance and memorize their uniform. We actually will push him to go talk, because the staring thing? It’s creepy.

We encourage this little obsession, because keeping him on this side of the law is something we think is probably really important.
We happen to know this particular police officer and his lovely family. They brought egg nog from the local creamery, which the kids adored. They also brought rum for the egg nog, which I appreciated.

After dinner, Constable Koopman sat and talked with Freckles.

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Like he was an adult.

And I don’t know what they talked about, but you know what?

I don’t even care because while I sat and chatted with his wife, Steve made this 12 year old ‘man of the house‘ feel important and noticed and cared about.

And that, friends, has made the dish washing, the cleaning stairs with a hand vacuum when our big vacuum died, the dinner recipes and buying the desert because every single time good intentions give way to last minute bakery trips….

it’s made it all worth it.

So far, community has been found in the simple fact that 5 different people and their families agreed to come over to the home of someone they barely know, some who had never met me in person, and eat our food and invest a little in 3 children’s lives.

All our guests have been amazing, and though sometimes my pity parties come out and I give myself those moments to wish things were different, taking this on has given me something I wouldn’t have otherwise had the chance for:

Meeting my village and for a few minutes each week, seeing what happens when I let them have a part in raising my kids.