To The Military Spouse on the First Year

So, your spouse is in the Canadian military?

Maybe you are a new couple, or maybe your spouse just enlisted.  Either way, I get a LOT of messages from you wondering about practical advice on where to start.  

I have virtually none.  I dont know who gave you the impression I know what I’m doing, but they were sadly mistaken. I’m winging it like everyone else. 

However, I will give you what I’ve got. 

It’s been 15 years, 3 kids 3 houses and 4 deployments, and I’ve learned far less than I should have by now, but maybe enough to get you started in the right-ish direction. 

Here we go. 

And your name needs to be on EVERYTHING.

Bank accounts.  Cable bill.  Cell phone.  SunLife. Everything.

Look at a monthly bank statement and all those bills that are paid?  Make sure your name is on the account.  Because if your spouse is away, he or she may be impossible to contact and those companies will NOT talk to you if there’s a problem.

Being unable to communicate with his Visa company could mean a damaged credit rating on his return, and if you can’t speak to SunLife regarding her account, you may not be able to seek any reimbursements for the extent of their absence.  

If you are in a committed relationship (marriage, common law, etc), that piece of paper is vital.  It’s the difference between you being able to relocate, make bank changes, etc or being stuck without a means to change mortgage or sell the house.

I have used Power of Attorney to list and sell a house, secure bridge financing, add a child to health insurance and cancel a cell phone after a quick reaction deployment.  These are heavy duty changes so this should of course be given only when the relationship warrants that level of trust, but this paper can make your life so much easier when #### hits the fan while your spouse is away. 

I know this is good advice for anyone, but consider this: if something happens to you and you have children, the nature of your spouse’s job will most likely require that he or she either hires a full time nanny or find different employment with more stable hours.  That’s a huge financial commitment that should be considered in your life insurance requirements.

Have your spouse look into his insurance through SISIP and be clear when taking any other insurance what their policy is on military.  Many will not cover death or injury due to military service or ‘acts of war’.  If your company can’t guarantee they will in writing, even for things like Mortgage and Credit Card insurance, it’s usually not worth it and you should simply add to your SISIP coverage.  Some will, it’s best to ask upfront and get it in writing. 

If you are not the primary financial manager of your home, you need to at least be aware of what bills come out when and for how much.  Know where you keep receipts and warranties.  What mechanic do you use, who do you call for home repairs, where are the winter tires stored and who installs them?  If one or more of these aspects aren’t normally your responsibility to take care of, it’s still important to know.   It helps to be in the know with the day to day aspects of you finances and home so nothing catches you like a deer in headlights. 

You don’t need to know much more than that, you can know as much or as little as you want about what he or she does.  That’s up to you. But if your spouse leaves quickly, it is much easier to seek help in an emergency (or just regular deployment support) if you know this information.  Even when they are in garrison, if there was an emergency at home that you needed to find them, this information is critical to making that search faster (calling the base operator looking for Robert Smith will take a while). 

It’s great to ask other spouses about military life and experience.  But just because SHE’S been posted every 2 years or HE gets Family Day off this year doesn’t mean the same will be true for you.

Your Spouse’s career is their own.  Variables like location,  unit, current tempo of operations, courses, language skills, individual chain of command…. there’s so many different ways each soldier’s career path is unique.  What’s true for one may not be for another.  And there are exceptions for almost anything.

There is a HUGE diversity of military jobs as well.  Branch.  Trade.  Unit.  Posting.  They are not all living American Sniper (well, they are Canadian, none of them are…).  Some are clerks at a desk.  Some are on a ship.   Or a plane.  Some are in the dirt and the mud and some mainly stay in hotels.  It’s important to realize that each spouse will have had a different experience with military life.

So while it’s great to use social media and friends to ask general questions and get a basic idea of life, it’s important to remember no one on a Facebook group has the last word on the matter. 

There is a lot of media portrayal of the military.  Most is American and all is spun, exaggerated, or dramatized.

You don’t walk into a hospital expecting Greys Anatomy, do you? It should go without saying that just because you saw it on Army Wives or heard a clip of something on the news, doesn’t make it reality.  

Familiarize yourself with the local support systems.  The Member Assistance Plan.  The MFRC. The Padres and Social Workers. The Military Family Fund, the Base Gym and PSP,  your unit family support or Family Network (if they have one).

Maybe you choose not to have anything to do with them,  but at least you will know where they can be found and how they can help if you need them down the road.  

I get it.  You are more than an ‘army wife’.  You think all spouse groups are catty and you don’t want anything to do with them.  You’ve heard bad experiences about associating with the military and you’re better than that.

Maybe you are just in a stage of life where you feel you don’t need it, or you’re posted where your family and friends are so you are confident in your own networks.

That’s all good, and totally fine.  But give other spouses a chance.  It doesn’t mean you attend every play group or night out.  But don’t dismiss it all just for the sake of avoiding it, either.   Find your balance that works for you.

There are bad apples in every bunch and I can’t guarantee every spouse you meet will be amazing and every experience positive.  But it’s worth it to find the good ones.  I swear.  

 Pretty sure your spouse will get some kind of allowance/advance/back pay/raise?

Spend it WHEN IT ARRIVES.

Maybe he was told on the return of a course/deployment’/trip that he has money coming.

You spend that money when it gets there and not one day sooner.

Did he get an advance before he left?  Put it aside and use it for what it was meant for.  Even if they are expecting more later, NEVER trust later.  Deployment pay is always in flux.  Never expect things like tax free, risk allowances or anything else until it arrives.

Did you receive money that you weren’t expecting?  Don’t spend that until you know what it was for!

Overpayment and clerical mistakes happen.  The government can claw back what they overpaid you, or change what they thought they owed.  There are rules about how they take it back, so know how that works, but never, ever spend money until it’s in your account and how it got there is accounted for.

It’s also wise to check over a pay stub regularly to ensure nothing is being taken or given that shouldn’t be.  Better to catch an overpayment right away than have to pay it back down the road. 11. Learn OPSEC and PERSEC

OPSEC is Operational Security and refers to things that should be kept confidential for operational/national security reasons.
PERSEC is Personal Security and refers to things that should be kept confidential for your own safety.

Both are vitally important that you understand.  Know that in this way, the military DOES control you.  You CANNOT share things that violate OPSEC or you CAN be arrested and/or your spouse can end up in significant amount of trouble.  Some examples of OPSEC information includes times and dates of departure and return from mission deployments, some deployment locations and specifics, sometimes even where your spouse is.
Sometimes OPSEC means it can’t be told to ANYONE.  Sometimes it means it needs to stay off of social media and that includes your ‘private’ account.  Whatever the case, you and your spouse should always discuss what about his or her job at any given time is confidential and remember it’s not only his or her safety on the line. 

Some units will have more family awareness than others.  Some postings will be more isolated.   You may be in a position for a deployment that someone removes snow for you or mows the lawn.  You may never experience that.  Your spouse may be part of a unit that has the ability to check in with you, or he might deploy WITH all those people and no one is back to do that.  Or he may deploy right after a posting or away from his home unit.

The point is you will need to make your own deployment plan.  If you can’t mow or shovel or need help with housework during a deployment, know where services are you can hire.  Find people in the same boat that you can exchange services with (babysit while they do both lawns, one cleans floors and one makes freezer meals…).  You know what you need and you are in charge of finding solutions that work for you. Resiliency?  That’s doing it BEFORE it’s a crisis.  

Sunlife Benefits  (for medical and prescriptions): http://www.pshcp.ca/

Great West Life Benefits (for dental) http://www.greatwestlife.com/001/web5/groups/webassets/@public/documents/web_assets/s7_033747.pdf

Pay Guide: http://www.forces.gc.ca/en/caf-community-pay/pay-rates.page

Member Assistance Program (24/7/365 counselling support and referral): http://www.forces.gc.ca/en/caf-community-support-services-map/member-assistance-program.page

Family Information Line (24/7/365 information and referral): https://www.familyforce.ca/sites/FIL/EN/Pages/default.aspx 

MFRC: Military Family Resource Center (usually one on each base that provides community services)

PSP: Personnel Support Services (athletic and health services)

HLTA: Home Leave Travel Allowance (mid-deployment leave)

DAG: Deployment Assistance Group (paperwork and appointments done before a deployment)

PMQ: Personal Married Quarters (base housing)

Garrison: The physical base
HMCS: Her Majesties Canadian Ship. For some reason, this is occasionally used to refer to buildings the Navy occupies in lieu of a ship. That’s odd but what can you do.

BMQ: Basic Military Qualifications (boot camp)

Leave: Vacation days

Stood Down: Doesn’t need to come into work or sent home from work.

Parade: NO CLOWNS OR CARS.  Generally standing and marching, usually to mark an occasion, or for inspection, or because someone has something to say.  Some can be cool to watch, most are boring and only a few are for the public to watch.  Can include everything from medals ceremonies to morning inspection.

Sick Parade: Some weird way of saying they have to go to see the doctor.

DWAN: Defense Wide Area Network (the computer network accessed via military accounts on DND computers.

CO: Commanding Officer

OC: Officer in Command (NOT the same thing. No.  Seriously.)
2IC: Second in Command
CoC or Chain: the different levels of authority above your spouse’s position.
NCM (Non-commissioned member): Ranks of Private to Master Corporal (names of ranks may vary depending on branch and trade just to confuse you)
Commissioned: Officer
SNCO or Senior NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer): A member who is not an Officer who is holding the rank of Sgt or above (Sgt, Warrant Officer, Master Warrant Officer, Chief Warrant Officer).
Sgt. Major:  A Master or Chief Warrant Officer holding the position of authority. A Squadron Sgt. Major, a Regimental Sgt. Major (RSM), a Brigade Sgt. Major are all examples.  But Sgt. Major is not a rank, it’s a position.
Chit: Paper granting permission or exemption from a duty or regulation.
Extras: Extra duties given as a form of disciplin.
HHT: House Hunting Trip
Posting: Military move.
APS: Annual Posting Season
Posting Message: The magic paper you absolutely must have in hand before you make any official plans for moving, no matter how many people tell you before that.
F&E: Furniture and Effects. Sometimes you have to remind the military you are not included in that.
Combats: Every day uniform (for army).
DEUs: Dress Uniform
Mess: Cafeteria OR rank specific bar (Jr. Ranks Mess, Sgts & WO Mess, Officer’s Mess).
Mess Dinner: Formal event held by a unit or base by invite only.  Generally rank specific (Officer’s Mess Dinner or SNCO’s Mess Dinner).  Occasionally will be a Mixed Mess Dinner (or Mixed Dining-In) that will include spouses.
Mess Kit: Special Dress Uniform purchased by the member and worn to Mess Dinners as well as other civilian formal events. Only needed by Officers and NCOs.
Exercise or ‘the field’:  Time spent training, usually at a specific training base.
Course or “On Course”: A course is anything that teaches the member something. Ranges from the BMQ to Urban Ops, Language training, etc. May happen where they are or more often, they will travel to a training base or school to take it.
Career Course: When the training is a requirement for their trade or for career advancement.
ACK: This means Acknowledged. Usually said or typed following instructions or orders. It does not mean something like “ACK! A SPIDER!” Which may or may not be what I thought it meant for a long time.
Rgr: Same as above.

For the love of all the things, in Canada, Leutenant is pronounced “LEFT-tenant” not “LEW-tenant”.
Just for fun.  That’s not how it’s spelled and we all know that. 

 

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Here’s the deal: