Month of the Military Child: Canadian Military Kids in April

April is the month of the Military Child.

I mean, there’s a month for everything, right?  So why not one for them?

Let me start off by saying that kids in any circumstance, are special.
Farmer’s kids are amazingly resilient at sleeping in combine’s come harvest time.
First Responder’s kids spend nights worrying about dad every time they hear a siren.
Pastor’s kids get dragged to every single church potluck and hugged by strangers.

And kids who’s parent’s work in banks, in fertilizer plants, in prisons and
in offices, they have all learned very special ways to adapt to their
own life.

But I have Military Kids.

So that’s what this is about.

When April comes around, I see quite a few posts going around the social media world, and they start like this:

‘Your average military brat…..’.

And I think… Is there an average military child?

Some kids, like my husband, will move 5 or 10 times in their life.
Across the country and across the world, they will watch the trucks pack up their life and they will make new friends and learn what TV shows are cool in which crowds.  They will adapt to different playgrounds and different teachers.  Sometimes they will even adapt to a different language.

And other military kids, they will only move once.  Or not at all.

Some military kids will say ‘See You Later’ and watch dad’s ship sail out of sight.
Some will say goodbye in a cramped room and watch the bus pull away.
Some will say goodbye while dad heads to war.
Some will say goodbye when mom heads on training exercise.
Some will say goodbye while both parents go on a peacekeeping mission.

Some will hardly say goodbye at all.

Some will say goodbye and they won’t see mom or dad again until they come home covered in a flag.


There are military kids in this Country who have lost one parent in the War in Afghanistan and have then years later said ‘See You Later’ to a step-parent headed to fight that same war.

There are Navy kids who have spent more time with their parent on Skype than in person.
There are Air Force Kids who never know when their parent might have to leave.
There are Special Forces kids who don’t even get to know where their parent is.

And there are many, many military kids who were brought into this world already missing their dad who didn’t make it quite in time.

I’ve met lots and lots of military kids.

Ones that have been to a different school every year since they started Kindergarten.

Ones that collect license plates to remind them of the different provinces they’ve lived in.

Ones that are so young and have been missing dad for so long, they call him ‘flat dad’ because they only see him on the computer screen.

Ones that have grown up so immersed in the military culture that it seemed like a second nature to enlist themselves.
I married that one.

I am amazed by each and every one I meet, but I can’t tell their story.

All I know about for sure are my own kids.

My oldest was born days after his dad came home from Afghanistan the first time.

When his dad was back in Kandahar when he was 5 years old,  he walked in on me on the phone with him, I was emotional as he was returning to base for a ramp ceremony to say goodbye to a friend who had just been killed.   When I hung up the phone, my son looked at me and said very simply ‘why are you crying? Is dad dead?’

This most recent deployment he’s 12 years old, it’s the 3rd since he was born. When a friend came to the door in uniform while I was at work he sent his siblings downstairs before he answered it. When I asked why, he said “I thought he was going to tell us dad died, and I didn’t want them to hear it.”

His reality has always been skewed by war.

My daughter can’t remember a birthday her dad has celebrated with her, but she can remember the time he called from the field and had his whole troop sing her happy birthday.
A few years ago she was praying for her dad at bedtime.  She said ‘please keep daddy safe at war.’  I said ‘my love, daddy is in Wainwright.’  She answered ‘yes, mom, that’s a city in Afghanistan.’

When dad’s away it makes little difference where.

My youngest said goodbye to his dad for the first time when he went back to Afghanistan when he was 10 days old. His bedspread is a quilt made for him as a child born during deployment. When I go away for work he is always a little nervous when I leave him home with dad. He doesn’t trust that dad might not have to leave without warning.

I don’t think he really grasps other people have dads who are home every day.

My kids have learned that sometimes the phone can’t ring on their birthday or their special day, but when it does, Dad will remember what he missed.

They have learned holidays can be celebrated anytime, not just on the days on the calendar.

They have learned that true friendships transcend provinces.  And countries.  And time apart.

They have packed up and moved across the country leaving behind the friends and the community they grew up in.
And they make new friends.
And they adapt.
Because that’s what they do.
But it doesn’t make it suck any less.
And it doesn’t make it stop hurting.

And some years ago there were days they would run up and hug the random soldier in uniform at the bank because they were too young to realize it was not their daddy.

And these nights they are just tired of trying to make new friends and they fall asleep crying and holding a picture of their old friends.
Because mom, starting over is just. so. tiring.

This spring, after a long deployment they are going to pick up and they are going to do it again.

All of our Military Kids have things in common and bonds they share.
But I don’t believe we can have posts talking about the average military kid.

There’s no such thing.

What there are is amazing little people with all different experiences and challenges and victories who have learned more than most about what is truly important in this world and how to make the best of those things, wherever you are and whenever you can be together.

So this April, I hope that we remember that sometimes it’s lonely, even for a tough military kid.


And we make sure that each and every one knows they are never really alone.

Comments

comments

Related posts:

Canadian Military Kids in April On April and Military Kids Canadian Military Kids and Special Education Invisible Ribbon Gala: One Canadian Military Family Story