Yellow Ribbons and Black Bands

 

Today I had planned to post something funny about deployment checklists. 

Then yesterday, my Facebook feed changed.  And Regimental crests with black bands replaced profile pictures as the tributes started.  There were meet ups for drinks and quiet beers at homes and bars across the country where glasses clinked  and memories spilled into the silence.

I came home late from work and Dh had our dehumidifier in pieces on the counter, focused purposely intently on the job in front of him. I walked up silently and hugged him and he shrugged away. 

When the house was quiet we opened a couple drinks and sat on the couch, giving a wordless toast in front of mindless TV that served as a distraction from all the “if only I…”  

This isn’t the first time. 

There’s a lot of yellow ribbons out there.  Far more so when we are fighting, even among those who argue the latest wars there are few who would say they don’t support our troops. 

Since the beginning of the war in 2002, more Canadian Forces personnel have died at their own hand than were killed in combat. 

We are quick to respond to the death of those in the line duty -whether they be military, police, firefighters, paramedics, etc – with pretty ribbons on our cars and our clothes and our social media.  And that’s sometimes the best way we can see in grief to show our loss is felt.

I challenge myself and anyone else to put our money where our ribbons are.  And our time.  And our support.   

If every ribbons was a beacon,  not of a politically correct platitude but of a genuine offer of an ear, of support, of love and concern; maybe we could send hope.   

Ribbons are easy. But the phone call to that friend you haven’t heard from, the one you think about every so often because last you heard he or she was struggling… that might not be.  It might be awkward and strange to call out of the blue. In fact, it might be entirely unnecessary and you both may hang up that phone going “what was THAT about?” 

Ribbons take no time.  But looking into volunteering your local crisis center or veteran support group or mental health hotline takes plenty of the free time you have.  

Ribbons are free on social media.  A donation to True Patriot Love or Can Praxis or a local suicide prevention or crisis center might cost some of your Tim Horton’s or Starbucks this week.  

A ribbon is an outward show of support that takes little effort. But impacting a life, even one, takes more. 

Make the call.
Send the message.  

You will never regret making an unnecessary check in with an old friend. 

But friends, this week I’ve seen a lot of regret for those calls that were never made. 

Do it now.
It’s okay, we can wait.
Maybe they can’t.  

Remember, you are not responsible for anyone’s life.  You can only do what you can to try and reach out and it won’t stop their demons and they still might lose the battle.  That will never be your fault. 

But I know, I KNOW that you want to be sure you did what you could. I know because I see it in your face and your words when you find out. 

You want to say it now, before we need another ribbon. 

If you are looking for support, call. Please.  Right now before that small voice gets any louder.
It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s showing the greatest strength you can. 

National Suicide Hotline (24/7, Canada and USA): 1-800-273-TALK

Canadian Forces Member Assistance Program (24/7): 1-800-268-7708

Veterans Crisis Line: 1-855-373-8387 

Can Praxis