How to plan for an event (as a military spouse)

posted on : November 18, 2015 posted by : reccewife 0 Comment

So there’s an event coming and you’re looking forward to it! Awesome! I love having something on the horizon that makes me happy.

But wait? Is your spouse in the military? Then lets back it up there a second. This is going to take some planning.

I am 100% convinced that when Dh has a course or exercise coming up, the powers that be look at the roster of soldiers on it and say ‘find out their spouse’s birthdays/anniversaries/vacations and see how many you can cram into the time we have to plan for.’ Dh assures me no one has the time and/or real desire to pull this off. I disagree. But that’s not the point.

The point is, if you have an event coming up that you’d like to enjoy, you may need to make a few plans so you can really be sure it turns out.

Plan to be alone for it.

Dh absolutely hates the fact that I plan literally every aspect of our lives as though he’s not home. But you know what? Then if he is home, I’m super thrilled, and if he’s not home, I’m far less homicidal (please note I said less). So it’s win/win.

2. Plan and 2nd, 3rd and 4th date.

Say it’s date night. Or a romantic weekend. Or say, your honeymoon. Those are things you have to plan his being home for, I understand. So go ahead and have a backup plan. Or 5. You think I’m kidding? I know people on their 4th wedding date.

3. Learn to love the last minute getaway.

I loath advance planning. I’m not kidding, I’m far more inclined to use Hotel Tonight over any plan in advance deals. Leave passes only marginally decrease this paranoia. We went to Mexico once and the $&@# Blackberry still sat there, just daring me to make day trip plans. Dh and I have had some great adventures and plenty of date nights, but they’ve almost always been the result of a last minute babysitter and make up application in the car.

4. Remember dates on the calendar are flexible.

This week Dh came home with dates for upcoming courses and exercises. One manages in 3 weeks to cover both Valentine’s Day and my birthday. Another, our 15th anniversary. In all fairness, he’s virtually never home for those anyways, I don’t even know what we’d do if he was. Instead we’ll try for a leave pass and a trip together afterwards, and if it all aligns we might even sneak a friend’s wedding into the deal. I’ll book tickets when I see that pass. Worst case scenario: it all falls through and one night he manages to be home so I’ll put on actual pants and we’ll get wings.

Maybe.

Life is easier when it’s not ruled by fixed dates that I need him home.

5. Embrace the ‘instead.’

I go to events solo.

It’s true, sometimes people look at me funny and I’m sure it’s been whispered about by people with nothing else to do, but I’m not staying home when he’s gone or I’d never leave the house. It started years ago when we had plans to attend one of his colleagues weddings. Only a day or 2 before, his whole Squadron (minus the leave-pass holding groom) deployed to fight fires or floods or save trapped kittens or whatever it is they do, and none of them were going to make it to the wedding. I just woke up that morning and was like ‘screw it, I’m going anyways.’ And I did. And you know what? I don’t think it was too bad, because I bet the strawberries and chocolate I sent up to the newlywed’s room was a shade nicer than whatever trickery his mates would have sent.

If I can go to work, go to appointments, and do all that other grown up crap on my own, I get to go to the parties, the mess dinners and the weddings on my own, too. Because the Lord knows I love a good weekend at home in sweatpants and his hoodie watching netflix and reading horrible romance novels,