A NYC Christmas instead

Last year a couple months before Christmas, Dh left on one of those last minute gotta-run-babe-not-sure-when-I’ll-be-back-love-you deployments.

As Christmas came, we had settled into a routine.  And while I had made some purposeful plans for the kids so we wouldn’t sit on our butt and feel sorry for ourselves (volunteering for Santa’s Anonymous, Food Bank drives, etc), as the day approached none of us were in the mood.

Then on the 23rd my 12 year old crawled into bed with me in the early morning and said “I don’t feel like having a Christmas where we pretend it’s okay Dad isn’t here.”

I thought about that a long time.  This wasn’t the kid’s first deployment by a long shot, they knew how it worked.  I couldn’t make Dad appear, the hard truth he was a world away and we could pray our hearts out but there would be no Christmas surprises with him under the tree.  He wouldn’t be there.  But did that mean we had to have a crappy Christmas?  Were we obligated to have less of a day because he wasn’t there?

It was then I realized that we had options.  In fact, there were things that we could do BECAUSE Dh wasn’t with us.  Not just what we could do ‘still’ but what we could do INSTEAD.  Dh isn’t a fan of big cities or crowds, so while I’d always wanted to go to NYC, he wasn’t so keen.

New York City also terrifies me.  So there’s that.  I mean, I had just a month earlier had a friend drive us to the National Remembrance Day service because I didn’t want to find parking downtown Ottawa.  But hey, Manhattan should be easy, right?

I didn’t let myself think.  I grabbed my phone when Freckles went downstairs and I used our points to book us a hotel downtown NYC, walking distance to Times Square and a 7 hour drive from home.

And then I hyperventilated.

I went to work and said ‘I’m not going to come in at all tomorrow, I’m leaving at 4am to drive to Manhattan. ‘
And they were like ‘of course you are.’
Because they love me.

At 4am I woke up the kids and said “Surprise!  You’re already packed and we are spending Christmas in NYC!”  We piled into the van and started driving.  Monster dressed as Captain America because of course he did.  I was nervous to cross the border with the kids at 5am Christmas Eve.  I had the letter Dh emailed me saying he was okay with it, but I thought they might be suspicious of my last minute plan.

American Border Guard (after asking the pertinent questions about fruit, etc):  “Where are you headed?”

Me: “New York City”

Guard: “Does their father know?”

Me: “He’s deployed to (location), I have a letter if you want….”

Guard’s face softens: “Where are you staying?”

Me: “At Hilton Manhattan East Side with a city view. And we’re going to see the big tree and Times Square and Central Park.”

Guard: “Of course you are, I can’t think of a better idea for y’all.  Merry Christmas Ma’am.”

I don’t think I met a single American that wasn’t 100% on board with my plan as though it was a completely reasonable idea to drive 14 hours in 2 days just to spend Christmas morning in New York City.  

As we started to get closer to the city, I was trying to ease Drama into the idea of the bridge.  Drama is  afraid of boats, bridges, airplanes, trains, breathing….. We kept psyching her up for it, until I got all the way up to pay the toll.  And realized I was actually going through the Lincoln Tunnel.  Which would have been fine if Freckles hadn’t said ‘see, we’re not going over the ocean.  We’re going UNDER it!’

Drama is also afraid of tunnels now.

After that I drove in Manhattan.  Seriously.  And I didn’t hit anything.  When we arrived the concierge came out and grabbed our bags and said “Would you like me to park for you, ma’am?”  And I said “omygoodnessyespleasedon’tmakemedriveagainuntilI’mgone.”
He thought that was pretty funny.

Our first stop was the American Museum of Natural History.  It was packed, which seemed odd at 2pm on Christmas Eve, but it was a lot of fun.  From there I wanted to hit Rockefeller Center, but we had taken the subway to the museum and would need a cab to the giant tree. I  went to hail one.

I…. am not good at hailing cabs.  And by that I mean I literally never have.  I call cabs. On phones.  I could not seem to get a cab to stop for us if my life depended on it, and I’m sure the 3 kids didn’t help.  I was looking at the GPS calculating how far the walk would be when Monster poked me

“I got us a cab” he says.  And he had.  Captain America had hailed us a cab on his own because he didn’t want to walk anymore.

We spent the rest of the evening exploring.  It was pouring rain but warm and we took in Rockefeller Center, the lights show and the boutique windows.  We walked to Times Square where we took it all in, because man, it’s something.  Even without the woman wearing nothing but a thong and heels.  We walked to the Empire State building, and then back down towards the hotel.  When we finally arrived we were dripping wet and absolutely thrilled.  I thought we would stop quickly before finding a cathedral for Christmas Eve Service and a nice spot for dinner.  But I got out of the bathroom to find 2 kids who had tucked themselves into bed.  It had been 16 hours since we left the house and 7 hours of walking.  We ordered pizza and watched Christmas specials on TV, and the kids fell asleep with the curtain open, looking out over the city.

The next morning, Dh ran from his tent at camp to the computers, hoping to go unnoticed. Mostly because he was wearing his batman onesie like he promised.

He woke the kids with a video call at 6am and watched us open our stockings.
There were more than a few tears.
But when the goodbye came as it had to, we were still in NYC!

We headed down to the lobby where the concierge was there again to greet us and map out our walk.  This time Monster was Spider-man, and so he told us all about his own son and his love for superheroes.  I thought of his family who didn’t have him there today, either.  He gave the kids high fives before we started walking towards the zoo.

About halfway there, we found 2 police officers.  Well, Monster found 2 police officers.  For those who don’t know, Monster is autistic.  And he LOVES police officers, enough that he has a notepad from our local department and he collects their signatures and badge numbers from all the different cities we visit.

So he ran up to ask for their autograph and we stopped to talk.  Freckles mentioned that his dad had video called from overseas, which led them to ask about his service.  Drama asked about their ribbons which led me to ask about their service, especially that one ribbon that said WTC. He explained he got it ‘just for being there‘ with the kind of shrug real life heroes give when they downplay their service. I know that shrug, I see Dh and his friends give it all the time when they are asked about Afghanistan.
I just stared a minute. He looked about my age.

What part of my family’s life up to that incomplete Christmas morning and including the 3 deployments previous to it, hadn’t been affected by that day, even though I’d been so far away when it had happened?
Yet 13 years later there we were. And there they were. And for once, I had no words.

We were quiet for a moment, my eyes were a little teary and I looked away. Then one officer raised his coffee cup to mine and said ‘Cheers. To your husband. Godspeed.‘

Then he asked Monster if he wanted to wish the city Merry Christmas and they climbed in his car, turned on the lights, yelled “MERRY CHRISTMAS” into the microphone.
Monster grinned the biggest grin he had in 2 months since his dad left.

And when we left, the officer said “I wish I had a patch…. you know what?  Here.  Take this.  They probably can’t get me in trouble for this today.”  And he gave Monster his precinct pin.
It is still today Monster’s coveted possession.

The streets of NYC are eerily vacant at 8am on Christmas morning.
And as I wiped tears off my face as we continued our walk to the park, I was awfully grateful for that.

You can see the post from last year about it all here.

We strolled through Central Park and ended at the zoo for a while before we headed back.  By then, the streets had come alive as we walked/skipped to our hotel.  The concierge pulled the van around as I checked out and as he grabbed at the olive drab duffle bag and put it in the truck, he looked at my kids and knelt down to them and said “you’re only going to get one mom, you guys.  Just one mom in your whole life.  So you be good to her.  You 3 mind your mother, okay? Because you only get one, remember that.”

Amazingly when we returned with Dh to that hotel 5 months later, that concierge even remembered the kids.  Or at least was kind enough to pretend he did.

And then we left NYC, stopping for Christmas Dinner at a Waffle House in Pennsylvania.  By the time we pulled in at home it was late Christmas night and I had 3 sleeping kids to carry up to bed.

I could have stayed home, it would have been fine.

And it didn’t make it all better. The kids missed their dad.  And I missed my best friend.
Terribly.

Of course we wanted a Christmas with him, but we had a Christmas instead.
And you know what?
It was absolutely amazing and a reminder, that the day isn’t about what you have or even who you have.

It’s about Emmanuel. God WITH us.

A home.
In the desert in a Batman onesie.
In a Manhattan hotel lobby.
And at a street corner on 5th avenue in New York City.

Love finds us.

Comments

comments

Related posts:

I (Won’t Be) Home For Christmas I heard the bells: when Christmas isn’t about family Building Military Communities: On Resiliency and Entitlement