Over the years, many people have written me about why I don’t use this time leading up to Remembrance Day to post more in appreciation of living military members and veterans. It’s not that it would be wrong, it’s more that in our home it’s not the narrative for the day. In the end the reason is always back the moments like these. One year, our church had a Remembrance Service. Dh was going to do what he usually does: skip wearing his uniform and try to blend in. Mostly because despite knowing people have the best of intentions, when Remembrance Day is focused on living military instead of the fallen, it makes him uncomfortable and he’d rather fade into the background. But at the last minute the leadership asked him to be part of the flag party and so today found him pulling on his DEUs to the perfection he expects of himself and standing in front instead. And I saw on his face the whole morning as he tried to reconcile people’s expressions of gratitude for his service with the grief and guilt the day brings. In my head as this week comes I see the photo of Dh carrying his friend onto the plane and know those moments in time are frozen. He will carry those friends forever. They all will. Survivor’s guilt is a part of this life we rarely talk about but it drives more days than anyone knows. It changes Remembrance Day. In fact, it makes the entire month just a little painful. He’s on edge, emotions are raw. His pain and that of those like him, it is out there in the world during the lead up…