Last year a couple months before Christmas, Dh left on one of those last minute gotta-run-babe-not-sure-when-I’ll-be-back-love-you deployments. As Christmas came, we had settled into a routine. And while I had made some purposeful plans for the kids so we wouldn’t sit on our butt and feel sorry for ourselves (volunteering for Santa’s Anonymous, Food Bank drives, etc), as the day approached none of us were in the mood. Then on the 23rd my 12 year old crawled into bed with me in the early morning and said “I don’t feel like having a Christmas where we pretend it’s okay Dad isn’t here.” I thought about that a long time. This wasn’t the kid’s first deployment by a long shot, they knew how it worked. I couldn’t make Dad appear, the hard truth he was a world away and we could pray our hearts out but there would be no Christmas surprises with him under the tree. He wouldn’t be there. But did that mean we had to have a crappy Christmas? Were we obligated to have less of a day because he wasn’t there? It was then I realized that we had options. In fact, there were things that we could do BECAUSE Dh wasn’t with us. Not just what we could do ‘still’ but what we could do INSTEAD. Dh isn’t a fan of big cities or crowds, so while I’d always wanted to go to NYC, he wasn’t so keen. New York City also terrifies me. So there’s that. I mean…
It’s been years since Dh and I were with our parents/siblings for Christmas Day. At a past posting, we would see them sometime during the season, usually between Christmas and New Years, but Christmas Day was generally spent with just us, or with friends. We could have driven the 4 hours or so and spent Christmas Day with them if we chose to, but we found the Christmas Day trip made Christmas hectic and cluttered, and we chose to instead stay home. The last few years where we’ve been, parents are no longer a 4 hours drive but instead a 4 hour plane trip away. We haven’t taken that trip home, partly for the cost of it ($4500 for the 5 of us to be somewhere else over the holidays just isn’t in the budget), but partly for the same reason we didn’t drive the 4 hours in year past. We like our home, sitting in our bed Christmas morning opening stockings, making pancakes in our own kitchen, sitting under our own tree later passing out gifts. I’m not big on days and traditions. Some years we’ve put on a big dinner for friends and/or much loved military ‘stragglers’ without anywhere to be. Other years we’ve brought pot luck to friends homes. These last two years, we’ve gone to the movies and had Pogos for dinner. So clearly, I’m pretty lazy laid back about Christmas. This year, it will just be the kids and I over the holidays. We have the opportunity to spend Boxing Day “Christmas” with more extended family who are only an hour or so away, which is amazing and…
Christmas. I love Christmas. I love the spirit of the year, the extra kindness people bestow on each other regardless of their religious affiliation. I love the atmosphere of stores and the overall happiness of the time of year. But increasingly, I’ve noticed something else that comes out at Christmastime. It seems that more and more, Christmas is the most entitled time of the year. Whether it’s free Christmas gifts or parties or events or childcare, within the military community when it comes to what is offered, it never seems to be enough. I’m not talking about business’ offering discounts or free items to military families. While I feel uncomfortable and unworthy most times people want to give me something like that, I recognize that a gift is a gift and many times it’s at the benefit of the person offering it. If someone wants to show their appreciation in that way, while I don’t always think it’s deserved, I do believe in honouring their generosity. What I am referring to, though, is the services provided to military families through the various agencies who are mandated to provide those services. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, as I’ve seen people with sometimes completely valid and sometimes unbelievably entitled arguments on both sides of the issue of what they deserve, and I’ve realized something. Free things don’t neccesarily build resiliency. Resiliency is built in a strong and supportive community. One that knows and looks out for each other. One who’s members know when to admit they need help and have people they can ask. Resiliency is found in communities that are…
If you were to spend this Christmas season with us (and I’d invite you all to, if I could) you may have overheard… “If we can’t open presents before Church, can we at least eat all the candy in our stockings?” ~Drama “Is a turkey even supposed to look like that? Maybe it’s upside down…. what kind of grown woman doesn’t know what a turkey is supposed to look like?!” ~Me “And that’s it. Short and sweet, just the way I like it” ~DH (when ending the Christmas Morning sermon he gave at our Church Service “We’re not wishing adult Jesus happy birthday. We’re wishing Baby Jesus happy birthday. Cause he was a baby when he was born!” ~my dear friend explaining why Jesus Birthday Cake said ‘Happy Birthday Baby Jesus’). “You’re not allowed to cry (Monster), Christmas is about JESUS” ~Drama “But…. I don’t have a 3DS……” ~Freckles (after opening the game for the 3DS before the actual 3DS his uncle gave him). “DoyouthinkIwillpoisoneveryonebecauseIthawedtheturkeyincoldwaterinsteadofthefridge?WhatwasIthinking,whatifIdid’tcookitrightandeveryonegetssickandIruinChristmas? WhatifIgivethepregnantgirlfoodpoisoning?WhydidIthinkIknewhowtomakeChristmasdinner?” ~Me at 3am Christmas Morning to DH who was unfortunate enough to wake up during my panic attack. “How did you get it on the COUNTER?” ~DH, when coming across Monster’s unfortunate incident in my in laws bathroom. “It’s ok, I gonna clean it all up” ~Monster, when the unfortunate bathroom incident was discovered. “It’s a Christmas Shoe Miracle!” ~ Me, when opening my wonderful friend’s gift Christmas Eve. “…
(If you read here, yesterday, feel free to skip this lengthy explanation. Cause it’s the same. Unless you would like to be astounded again today by my writing genius. Your call…) Here’s the thing. I am lame. I like to do lame things that make me feel good. One of those things is do something nice for people randomly and out of the blue when I feel like they did something cool. If I was rich, I would love to be the kind of person who was like “You are awesome. Here’s a new car.” But I am not, so it usually looks like this “You are awesome. Here’s a coffee/card/mug/baking”. It’s almost as good as a new car. And the truth is that it probably makes me more happy than the person(s) that I give it to, because for whatever reason it makes me all warm and fuzzy to point out to people that they rock. So you can think I’m really nice, but I’m mostly still being a little selfish. I can spend a LOT of time focusing on why people suck. And I think that our society is quick to write letters of complaint about employees who are incompetent or speak to the manager when we are mad about the service, but when do we ever do the opposite – speak up when someone does something great? Hardly ever. At least I don’t. So I TRY to go out of my way and tell people that they are amazing that day. I say try because it was a conscious…
