Today I cleaned the kitchen. This isn’t *that* shocking, I keep a relatively clean house, only because when my house is cluttered my head feels cluttered. But this morning, I had no intention of cleaning. When you live apart for half a year, or, say, more than half of the past 3 years, or huge chunks of an entire 14 year marriage, sometimes big things happen. Sometimes a couple grows apart, someone is unfaithful, someone wants to leave, can’t wait anymore or is just plain done. But other times, other times none of those things happen. You are still very much in love. You’ve never had the time, energy or even the smallest interest in an affair. You’re in this for life Instead something else creeps up when you don’t expect it. Turns out I got really comfortable alone. I made my own choices, my own decisions. If I wanted to leave at 8pm and go shopping, or skip the gym in the morning, or make grilled cheese for dinner all week, no one was there to say anything. Then he is home and I resent it. He is in my space. He has a voice in my decisions. He speaks up and sometimes he says things I don’t want to know or make judgements I am not interested in hearing. So things are tense. Adjusting is hard. I’m not fun to live with, and sometimes that means neither is he. Fuses are short. Sometimes one of us pushes it too far. This morning it was Dh, but that doesn’t mean it’s never me. It just wasn’t me this time. When both of us went to work this morning neither…
(Before we start here, I just want to mention that this is me, being honest. It’s my narrative. My voice in my head that, like many women, tells me what it doesn’t like about me. It’s not a judgement on anyone else, and it’s not meant to give a standard to anyone. My guess in writing it is that, regardless of our different sizes, many woman have this same conversation with themselves. This is mine.) This deployment I put on some weight. I ate more than usual. I had to change gyms and with that my routine for exercise changed. I was working on top of parenting and I didn’t make the time for meal prep and planning as I usually do. All those excuses to say that these last 6 months I just didn’t make exercise and healthy eating as much of a priority as I have before. So even though I usually lose weight when he is away, I gained. Not a lot, but enough that I look a little different. So for the last month or so, that’s been all I’ve seen. In fact, in my eyes, that’s been all I’ve accomplished. I look at the little muffin top and that’s all I have used to sum up months and months of my life. I didn’t get it together enough to keep that under control. I failed. I have measured the success of my accomplishments this deployment on the size of my stomach roll and nothing else. I’ve looked at pictures where I’ve been speaking or working and all I…
So, your spouse is in the Canadian military? Maybe you are a new couple, or maybe your spouse just enlisted. Either way, I get a LOT of messages from you wondering about practical advice on where to start. I have virtually none. I dont know who gave you the impression I know what I’m doing, but they were sadly mistaken. I’m winging it like everyone else. However, I will give you what I’ve got. It’s been 15 years, 3 kids 3 houses and 4 deployments, and I’ve learned far less than I should have by now, but maybe enough to get you started in the right-ish direction. Here we go. 1. It’s all in the name. And your name needs to be on EVERYTHING. Bank accounts. Cable bill. Cell phone. SunLife. Everything. Look at a monthly bank statement and all those bills that are paid? Make sure your name is on the account. Because if your spouse is away, he or she may be impossible to contact and those companies will NOT talk to you if there’s a problem. Being unable to communicate with his Visa company could mean a damaged credit rating on his return, and if you can’t speak to SunLife regarding her account, you may not be able to seek any reimbursements for the extent of their absence. 2. Power of Attorney If you are in a committed relationship (marriage, common law, etc), that piece of paper is vital. It’s the difference between you being able to relocate, make bank changes, etc or being stuck without a means to change mortgage or sell the house. I have used Power of Attorney to list and sell a house, secure…
Fun facts about DH as he turns 31… – He loves Van Morrison. It drives me nuts because the hard drive of our van has a bunch of Van Morrison songs on it, which is jarring when you go from Skillet to ‘Brown Eye’d Girl.’ And for the record, I have blue eyes. – He wear slippers all the time and, more importantly/disturbingly, he brings them with him places to wear at other peoples houses! Are we 80? ‘Hey, what’s in your purse?’ “oh, pardon me, that’s just my husbands slippers.” – The only thing that make him look older from 10 years ago is desert sand induced eye wrinkles. And they only make him look sexier. – He’s the one who wanted my daughter’s ears pierced. Because I shaved her head when she was 3 and had lice. Since then she’s just had very short curly hair. I think to him he feels like the earrings make up for the hair. – This weekend, he made us watch the new Footloose on Netflix. That’s all I’m going to say about that. – Speaking of Netflix, I secretly email TopGear begging them not to update their seasons on there for fear of losing my husband again. –He has never had a cavity. Ever. I not so secretly hate him for that. – He enlisted at 17. He was married at 19. He went to Afghanistan for the first time when he was 20. He had his first child 9 days after he turned 21. He had three tours to Afghanistan and…
Today my DH turns 30 years old. That’s right, 6 months after my big 3-0. I’ve heard nothing but obnoxious comments the whole time, too, so it’ll be nice to be back on even playing field again. Now 30 is not old, per say, but I met him when we were 13. Not many wives have been around their husbands long enough or early enough to have ‘grown up’ together. But we can. 13 years ago when we started dating, I thought he was pretty great. But I have to say that was only a fabulous preview of who he is now. Last year, I wrote this post about him. It is called “Because Love is Worth Missing Sometimes“. And it still is. I still mean every word. Being his wife is one of my many undeserved blessings. If I think back to the 19 year old man I married, back when we still paid as much in car insurance as we did rent because if his age, back when he could still eat a whole pizza himself and back when he was much more convinced of his own invincibility… it seems like he is so much different now. Looking at the pictures of us on his 18th birthday, pictures when he left for Basic Training, pictures from our wedding day, we look so much younger. Don’t get me wrong. He still can’t grow a beard if he tried and he still has an amazing babyfaced smile that makes my heart melt. But we’re not the young kids on the block anymore. There was a time when everywhere we went…
One month from today will be my 10 year Wedding Anniversary. That means that exactly 10 years ago, I was finishing college exams and putting the finishing touches on the ridiculous dream wedding that was coming fast. I had just turned 20. I had no idea what I was doing. I was excited and naive and spoiled and immature. I had lots of ideas of what life would be like and even more about what my wedding day would look like. I would like to write a letter to me, 10 years ago, and let me know what was and wasn’t important. Dear Me ver. 2001 This month will be busy. You are excited and nervous and for the most part acting like a spoiled brat. Since I am 10 years older and so very much more mature, there are some things I have decided you should know: 1. Breathe. You can stress out making place cards and finding the perfect Guest Book until you are blue in the face. People are going to sit where they want. You are going to misplace the guestbook and you won’t even realize it’s gone. 2. I have no idea what possessed you to think singing at your own wedding was a good idea. You can practice all you want, you can’t sing. You will sound terrible. You will cry partway through which will only make it worse. 3. Do it anyway. 4. In the end, he will feel worse about the bachelor party than you do right now. Let it go. 5. You are beautiful. You don’t think you are, but you are. And most importantly, he thinks you are. So lay off the tanning bed before you give 40 year old…
