(Before we start here, I just want to mention that this is me, being honest.  It’s my narrative.  My voice in my head that, like many women, tells me what it doesn’t like about me.  It’s not a judgement on anyone else, and it’s not meant to give a standard to anyone.  My guess in writing it is that, regardless of our different sizes, many woman have this same conversation with themselves. This is mine.) This deployment I put on some weight. I ate more than usual.  I had to change gyms and with that my routine for exercise changed. I was working on top of parenting and I didn’t make the time for meal prep and planning as I usually do. All those excuses to say that these last 6 months I just didn’t make exercise and healthy eating as much of a priority as I have before. So even though I usually lose weight when he is away, I gained.  Not a lot, but enough that I look a little different.  So for the last month or so, that’s been all I’ve seen.  In fact, in my eyes, that’s been all I’ve accomplished. I look at the little muffin top and that’s all I have used to sum up months and months of my life. I didn’t get it together enough to keep that under control.  I failed. I have measured the success of my accomplishments this deployment on the size of my stomach roll and nothing else. I’ve looked at pictures where I’ve been speaking or working and all I…